She went to her room and I looked up towards Nick’s study. Perhaps it would provide the key to what I had found hidden in Lorelei’s house.

10

In May, four months after he caught me falling out of a train at Waterloo, Nick met me outside Lambeth Records Office, where we signed the marriage register. He had bought a bunch of sunflowers and Sally threw a packet of confetti over us as we left the building.

I think Sally had a bit of a soft spot for Nick herself, and it was the morning of October the twenty-fifth, a few weeks before Liberation Day, when I received a letter from her that ended with: So tell me about the dashing doctor. When will he do the decent thing and get you knocked up? After all, IT’S OUR DUTY TO THE STATE. I wondered if any censor reading the last line would hear the irony in her words.

What she didn’t know was that I already was pregnant. When, in August, I had missed my first period the thought had occurred but I didn’t pay too much attention. Then I’d missed another and soon each morning had become a scramble to the bathroom to be sick. I would see women with children in pushchairs and I couldn’t stop myself smiling. They always smiled back and I was sure they could tell. Nick had performed a test – he called it an hCG test – and told me I was definitely pregnant. While he had been closely monitoring my temperature and blood pressure, I had been thinking about names.

It was chilly that October evening as I walked up and down the steps of the Brookfield Hotel until Nick arrived at last, wearing his evening suit. I was in the simple white dress I had worn at our wedding, and we were there for some dreary function with a bunch of Party dignitaries, welcoming Comintern delegations from Poland and Russia. Nick thought he might be able to make some connections that would be helpful for his career, but I had felt ill all day and didn’t want to be there. ‘Hello, darling,’ he said as he started out of the cab. I was about to kiss him but as he fully emerged I saw that he wasn’t alone. Charles was behind him. I took Nick by the arm and led him away as Charles paid the fare.

‘Why is he here?’ I asked.

‘He was the one who got me invited. He heard there are going to be some very important people here tonight. You know Charles – always star-struck.’ He looked at me, concerned. ‘Are you all right?’

‘No, not really.’

‘Let’s go inside.’ We went to the corner of the lobby. Charles waited a little way off. ‘What’s wrong?’ Nick asked.

‘I’m feeling quite sick.’

‘Oh.’

‘This is bad timing, isn’t it?’ I said, forcing a smile.