BooksBarbecue
Back Liberation Square Save as PDF
Chapters (46)
  1. Cover
  2. Dedication
  3. Maps
  4. 1
  5. 2
  6. 3
  7. 4
  8. 5
  9. 6
  10. 7
  11. 8
  12. 9
  13. 10
  14. 11
  15. 12
  16. 13
  17. 14
  18. 15
  19. 16
  20. 17
  21. 18
  22. 19
  23. 20
  24. 21
  25. 22
  26. 23
  27. 24
  28. 25
  29. 26
  30. 27
  31. 28
  32. 29
  33. 30
  34. 31
  35. 32
  36. 33
  37. 34
  38. 35
  39. 36
  40. 37
  41. 38
  42. 39
  43. Chronology
  44. Historical Notes
  45. Acknowledgements
  46. THE BEGINNING

‘Is he alive?’ I whispered, my heart thudding against my chest so hard that I thought I would break apart. ‘Tell me.’ A spray of oil flared by my hand, burning it. Tibbot glanced at me, a grim look on his face, as he moved rapidly to Nick’s neck to feel for a pulse. Then he started pumping his hands up and down on Nick’s chest, alternated with blowing into his mouth. I sat and watched, wondering if it would ever end. After a while, Tibbot checked Nick’s wrist for a heartbeat, and then his neck again. He went through the cycle of actions again and again, each time feeling for a pulse.

And at the end, for ten, twenty, I don’t know how many seconds, he knelt with his fingers pressed to Nick’s neck, all the while looking at me. And then he slowly sat back and lifted his hand away. ‘No!’ I shouted. My hands searched desperately over Nick’s chest, trying to find the heartbeat that would save us both.

‘I’m sorry,’ Tibbot said quietly.

‘No!’

‘He’s gone.’

‘I won’t … no!’

Without warning, Tibbot grabbed me and dragged me aside, falling against the broken bannister. I looked back to see a bundle of flames and burning fabric tumble to the floor where I had been kneeling, the fire flooding out from it as it hit the boards. The coat rack was now a mass of light and more fell, separating us from Nick. The smoke was getting thicker.

‘We have to get out,’ Tibbot coughed, his chest hacking.

‘He’s –’

‘He’s gone. We have to get out!’

All I could feel was my skin burning. It could have all burned away. And, as I looked up, I saw Hazel in the doorway, standing just as she had done when a policewoman brought her to our house after her mother’s death.

I ran to her, my arms outstretched, turning her so that she couldn’t see the broken form on the floor. She put her arms around me and I felt her tremble with tears that began to wet my own cheeks.

All I could do was stroke her hair and pull her tighter. ‘It’s going to be all right,’ I said. ‘I’ll look after you. I’m here. I’ll look after you.’

Penguin Books

39

What do we see, when we see the land ahead? We see endless possibilities. For our nation, our new way of political life presents a land ready to be filled with people and human endeavour.

Anthony Blunt, broadcast on RGB Station 1,
Monday, 3 August 1953

I walked all the way to Checkpoint Charlie today. I don’t know what I was expecting to see. I stared at the gap covered by that impenetrable curtain of rope, holding Hazel’s letter tightly in my hand.