It’s funny when I think about it now, that everyone knew that I had no business outside in the dark. Later, I’d think about how I felt abandoned by my brother, when in reality, his new community of gangsters was watching over me the whole time. I shook my head from side to side, because I wasn’t getting in that car. I ran down State Street, and they drove behind me, trying not to scare me but watching to make sure I was okay.

When I got to my building, I scanned the area, trying to spot Stacia. I looked up at the porches and didn’t expect to see Meechie on the second floor staring out the gate. I ran into the building and up the stairs. He was talking to somebody behind him, in an apartment. His voice was different, all soft and calm. When he said, “Nah, I noticed you. You be doing your thing,” I knew he was talking to a girl. I got so jealous.

In that moment, I remembered when Meechie used to make me sandwiches and give me hugs. I remembered riding his handlebars up and down the porch. I was his girl. I had been his girl my whole life. Now he had somebody else. He went in that apartment and closed the door. I wondered if that’s where he lived. I didn’t get the chance to ask him.

I’d only been gone about thirty-five minutes, but it felt like a whole day. I put Mama’s keys back, so scared that she’d wake up. She never found out about my trip to 47th Street. When she asked about the gash on my neck, I played dumb, told her that I must’ve scratched myself in my sleep. She didn’t like it, but she didn’t press.

I took a bath, got in the bed, and thought about Stacia and Meechie out there in the wild and how I might never get them back. My brain drifted over to Tonya, and how even if I went up to her apartment, she probably wasn’t there. All in Together began that day for real, and all three of them were out of the rope.

Twenty
Livestock

There was nothing fun about the final days of summer school. I was depressed about both Tonya and my brother, and nothing could cheer me up. I didn’t want to jump double Dutch or play All or Run G Run. I’d walk to school with Precious, not saying much, and instead of playing with the other kids, I chose to sit on this pile of mulch that was stacked up as tall as a car and watched kids running around until it was time to line up.