She picked up where she left off, as if I really came by to join them. I stared at my hands while she talked, then looked over at Precious without raising my head. She stared at the lady, her cheeks rosy and sweet, so I looked around the circle at everybody, bouncing my knee, searching for a face I could trust. Precious wouldn’t make eye contact, but then I saw this lady whose hair was definitely a wig, and whose skin was perfectly clear, except for a few dots of moles. She kept glancing at me and could tell something was wrong.

I stopped bouncing my knee and looked back at her. She interrupted Sister Greer and said, “Baby, is there something you need to talk about?”

My eyes widened and shot around the group. I thought about Meechie giving that handshake. My heart bumped in my chest, and sweat dripped from my hairline. More white lights, shaped like lightning bolts, danced in front of me, floating by slowly like bubbles, until I couldn’t see anybody clearly, their faces all blotted out by white.

I frowned at this new, lovely scene, and some of the women leaned forward and some of them encouraged me, saying, “It’s alright, you’re safe here,” but I didn’t understand what was happening, and I tried to talk and tell them that I needed their help, that I was feeling sick and couldn’t stop worrying about Tonya and Meechie. I closed my eyes and gave in to the spinning. I heard high heels clicking on the tile and running water. Precious squatted down in front of me, her little voice trying to cheer me up, but I talked over her, slow and slurred like Woody after he’s killed a few bottles of Night Train. Someone put a cup to my lips, but that’s all that I remember.

I woke up in the Browns’ car, moving dangerously fast. Voices knocked against voices, and I could smell Mama in there, cherry lotion and baby powder. When I came to, I looked into Meechie’s eyes. I thought it was a dream, even though I could feel his breath on my arm. When I reached up for him and felt his white tee, it confirmed that he was there.

I didn’t understand why I was in the Browns’ Camry, so I started losing it, trying to ask questions. Meechie put his hand on my shoulder, and I stopped moving. He said, “You gone be okay.”

“Meechie,” I said through tears.

“I’m here.” I shook my head and cried, calling his name again.

“What, Fee?”

“You gone move back?”

He looked away from my face, out the car window. I knew that he’d just said no, and I passed out again.

Sixteen
Sanctuary