Mama used to think that Precious was spoiled, spent too much time “sitting under grown folks,” and would be a handful once she was older, but over the years, she saw how well we got along and looked out for each other, and later, I’d catch her smiling at us. Precious won her over.

On the porch that day, I asked Precious about moving.

“We got our voucher meeting in a few weeks,” she said. I gave her a confused frown. “If you Lease Compliant, they send you a letter about a meeting. After the meeting, you can start looking for a new place. Then you move.”

I felt my breathing change. Precious was going to leave me, after all those years; she was going to live somewhere else and I couldn’t even imagine how that would work.

“Where you moving to?”

She hunched her shoulders, and we just stared at each other.

“My mother said that you and I would still see each other.”

I nodded but worried that Ms. Patty would take this opportunity to remove me from Precious’s life and fill it with other church kids and cousins and friends whose mothers didn’t have such a personal relationship with her husband.

I looked through the gate into the playground and wondered how anyone could go about their day like everything wasn’t about to be ripped out from under us. Precious cut into my thoughts and asked, “What your mama planning?”

I felt the sting in my eyes. This was a sore subject for me. Mama had plans, I was sure of it, but she hadn’t shared any of them with me. Why did the Browns have a letter telling them to come to a meeting? Were we even Lease Compliant? I still didn’t know.

She saw the shine in my eyes and realized that I’d paused too long to be okay, and she started rubbing my back and saying, “God won’t leave you, Fee. It’s gonna all work out.” She was right, it was a good time to pray and have faith, but I didn’t feel strong enough to lean on God like that. I decided, instead, to panic. Precious delivered a second blow when she told me, “I’m getting baptized in a few weeks.” It was the biggest commitment you could make to God, and she was doing it at twelve. I had just gotten used to going to church. Precious made me feel like I wasn’t serious about life; in that one summer, she’d make some pretty big decisions, while I dragged my feet. I had plans and wishes and hopes too. I’d written them all down in my journal.

“My daddy committed his life to God at the same age.”