I’d known her my whole life, and this was the first time she’d invited me directly. She’d always told me about what she did in church and about her friends at church, but she hadn’t come right out and asked me to go with her. I’d find out later it was because she knew that Mama wouldn’t let me. Mama heard her, and looked from me to Precious, trying to see how I felt about it. I didn’t give either of them an answer, and instead, just nestled my face in Mama’s lap, and thought about those pretty colors bursting over the inky, blue lake.

Yes, there had been shooting all week. Yes, it was nighttime when we got home, and yes, it wasn’t safe to let those good feelings of our lakefront experience weaken our capacity to stay alert, to move swiftly as we navigated crowds of gangsters and made our way home, but what had just happened, this night of pleasure and seeing my friends not only get along but really enjoy themselves, it mentally blocked out those reflexes to protect myself. So when we descended the steps of the bus, I heard the shots, but I wasn’t the Fe Fe who was prepared for war; I was a kid, coming home from a night of lights and giggles and euphoria. My reflexes were delayed, and though I could hear gunshots, I didn’t react right away. I was startled when Mama pushed us down into the grassless dirt, away from the curb, whispering to stay there while she tried to cover all of us with her body.

Precious started reciting the Shepherd’s Psalm, low and aggressive, and Mama joined in.

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,

I will fear no evil: for thou art with me;

thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.

I didn’t know it yet, so I just listened to the words. I kept thinking about other things though, worried that someone would run up on us, and shoot us at close range while we huddled on the ground. Down there in the dirt, I wondered about two things: Meechie; was he in the window, this time looking for us? And when did Mama learn that Bible verse?

We stayed down there so long that my hand started tingling, falling asleep.