“I mean exactly what I asked. Are. You. Living?” I bite my lip and think on it for a second. She waiting. I think right away that I got somebody living inside me, but I know that ain’t what she asking. Ms. Pierce sometimes asked us this question in school: Are you living? Sound real dumb at first, because you in her face, breathing, talking, living.

But then, she looking at you, and she want you to answer the damn question, like she for real want to know. That’s when you get that she on something else. That she want you to reach down deep where most people can’t get to and be real about how you need to get your shit together. Whatever holding you down, making you feel bad. She asked me that day, and right away, I got it. It make me think about how you can be alive, but dead. Then there’s the dead that’s really dead and gone, and if you ain’t dead and gone, ain’t no fucking reason you ought to be out here just alive.

Most of my family living big, but in jail. They got they own kingdom and shit, where they play and fight and rule, but they like monkeys in a zoo. They don’t even see the bars until people visit and tap on them. That’s when they remember there’s people on the other side. Ms. Pierce come tapping on my bars with that damn question, and then, I don’t feel so free either.

I know this baby coming, and I got a lot to think about before it get here. I don’t tell her about the baby that day. I just let her love on me. I take her downstairs to meet my brother. She get his number so she can call me up sometimes, take me places. Before we go back to Indiana, I ask Ed if we can walk over to the building, so I can see it before it’s gone. We cross the street, and I see it, 4950 empty and got that yellow tape around it. They gone knock it down any day, just like they did 4848 and 4946.

When some dudes see Ed, they get nervous, start yelling, “Ey Ikay!” cause they don’t know his face from a distance. But then I hear Quan. He say real loud, “It’s cool.” I ain’t seen my brother in months, since the day Sweat died. He come give me a hug. I’m surprised cause we ain’t that kinda family. But this the new Buchanan way, since Gail ain’t around. We stand there in the parking lot catching up and looking around, then I see it, Vulture City sprayed on the wall of the shopping center. It ain’t a city no more, just half empty and half gone projects.