“You know, Amber, if you’re lying to protect him, you’re an accessory to murder. And in this case, an accessory is not a toe ring. It’s something they put you in jail for.”

If I thought that was going to intimidate her, I was sadly mistaken. Her green eyes narrowed into angry slits.

“Buzz off,” she said. Only she didn’t use the word buzz.

Then she turned and hurried after her friends.

“Nice talking to you, too,” I called out after her.

Looked like I was back to being an Untouchable again.

“Tell me the truth. Do I have crow’s feet?”

I hadn’t forgotten what Hal Kingsley told me about the fine lines around my eyes. Now I sat across from Lance in my living room, sticking out my face for his inspection.

“They’re worse when I smile, see?”

“Yes, you have wrinkles. But so does everybody. I’m telling you, nine-year-olds have wrinkles when they smile. Dr. Hal just wanted to make some extra bucks.”

“Oh, Lance. You’re an angel.”

“That’s what Jim tells me.”

He grinned one of those goofy grins popular with people in love.

“So what’s the latest on the SueEllen Kingsley murder?”

I filled him in on all the details, up to and including the convenient back door in Hal’s office. When I was through, he filled me in on the details of his romance with Jim, up to and including a romantic candlelit dinner for two at the Four Seasons.

Let’s recap here. Kandi gets a romantic Italian dinner and dancing in the aisles. Lance gets a romantic dinner at the Four Seasons. And I get a dead cockroach in my crème brulee.

Life’s just not fair, is it?

After Lance hurried off for yet another date with Jim, I called Lt. Webb. I was surprised to find him still at his desk. It was after six. I thought for sure he’d be out doing Pilates or eating sushi or whatever it is Beverly Hills cops do after work.

“Ms. Austen,” he said. “What can I do for you?”

(Translation: You again? What the heck do you want?)

I told him about the Post-it from Hal’s attorney, and how I thought Hal might have killed SueEllen to save himself an expensive divorce. And how the door in Hal’s office led to the stairwell, and that either Hal or Denise could have used it to sneak out and kill SueEllen.

If you think he was grateful for my input, think again.

“I still think the kid did it,” he insisted.

After we hung up, I poured myself a stiff chardonnay, hoping the good lieutenant would choke on a wonton in his Chinese chicken salad.

Then I called Heidi to make sure she was okay.

“How’s it going, kiddo?”

“Honest answer?”

“Of course.”

“It’s great not having SueEllen around,” she said, sounding more relaxed than I’d ever heard her. “You know what we had for dinner tonight? Kentucky Fried Chicken. Not some tiny ball of poached fish sitting on a piece of lettuce. And the funny thing is, without SueEllen on my case, I’m not eating nearly as much as I used to.