“Hi, SueEllen,” I called out.

She popped her head out the shower door, her hair caught up in a terrycloth turban.

“Oh, hi, Jaine. We won’t be working in the bathroom today.”

If my tush could talk, it would have shouted Hallelujah.

“We’re going shopping. You can take notes in the car.”

I had no idea what SueEllen was going shopping for. But I knew one thing she needed: a new masseuse.

There are families in El Salvador who live in houses smaller than SueEllen’s Bentley.

I sat in the front seat with her, as she navigated the hundred-thousand-dollar tub over to Heidi’s school.

“I’m throwing Heidi a party for her birthday tomorrow night,” SueEllen explained, “and we need to buy her a dress. By the way, I hope you can come to the party. Poor thing has no friends.”

She sighed, a weak imitation of someone feeling sympathy.

“Of course,” she added, “it’s no surprise Heidi’s so unpopular, given the way she looks.”

“What’s wrong with the way she looks?”

SueEllen laughed. “Have you got a couple of hours?”

“No, really, SueEllen. She looks fine to me.”

SueEllen gave me the once over, taking in my unruly mop of hair, my generous thighs, and my elastic waist jeans.

“I suppose she would look fine to you.”

Ouch.

“But to a kid her own age, she’s got loser written all over her. Anyhow, she seems to like you. So how about it? Will you come to the party?”

“Of course. I’d be happy to.”

“Marvelous, and if we’re short on waitresses, you won’t mind giving a hand, will you?”

Argggh. What an aggravating woman.

“Sure,” I said, through gritted teeth.

“I’m glad that’s settled. Let’s get back to the book, shall we?”

I took out my steno pad, ready for action.

“I’ve got the most marvelous recipe for pot au feu,” SueEllen gushed. “Actually, I got it out of a Julia Child cookbook, but we’ll just change a few ingredients and no one will know the difference.”

As she rattled on about Julia’s pot au feu, my mind wandered back to the scene in the gym. So Hal Kingsley was having an affair with Larkspur. Frankly, I didn’t blame him. Making love to SueEllen would be like mating with a piranha. I wondered if Hal had seen my reflection in the mirror. If so, would he think of an excuse to fire me? Oh, well. There was nothing I could do about it.

Several recipes later, we arrived at Beverly Hills High, where SueEllen parked in a fire zone and ran in to get Heidi, who was waiting for her at the principal’s office.

“I told them it was a family emergency,” SueEllen said, winking at me as she got out of the car.

Minutes later, she came sailing back out, Heidi shuffling along behind her, looking a lot like Sean Penn in Dead Man Walking. I guess she must have known what was in store for her.

SueEllen piloted the Bentley over to Neiman’s, where she handed it over to the valet parking attendant.