doesn’t mean holding back or cutting

off the pain or joy. Middle means staying

in the heart of it, where we are strong.

I admit it’s a comfort to sleep with what

is false and stark to be slapped awake by

all that is true. I know this comfort and

this slap. What? It’s hard to hear?

I’ve spent my life coming to you.

Come. I’ll meet you in what matters.

Step closer to the heart of it where we

are strong. We can walk and talk a while.

As If to Say

AS IF TO SAY

After his fourth stroke, he’s given up

trying to speak. For the first time, he

doesn’t know me. Like a worker trapped

in a mine, he looks up, as if I’m a stranger

happening on the scene. His eyes are wider

than one life can bear. I take his hand and

say, “I’m your son.” He looks about as if

to say, “Am I still here?” I collapse into

a free fall, as the bird in my heart that

has followed his voice falls into the

canyon we both have bridged.

Later, he is back behind his eyes.

He grips my hand fiercely, looking

at me, knowing me, more deeply than

I can remember. In that moment, I am

certain: he understands everything. I’ve

wanted this depth between us my whole

life. He can no longer pull his fear up

around him, his body breaking away,

piece by piece. Wordlessly, we have

the conversation of a lifetime. He

won’t let go of my hand or veer

his gaze. The TV across the hall is

blaring. The nurse drops a pan

in the hall. And my father on the

cliff before Eternity lies on his side

looking through me into the sun.

Finding a Way Out

FINDING A WAY OUT

When a dolphin leaps, something

in me comes out in the open. When

the truth in you breaks surface, something

in me looks for a way out. When

I glimpse the vastness from a height, I

want to return to all I was born with.

It’s true, breaking surface and glimpsing

the vastness live in each of us. And

tripping through the days, we mirror

each other’s sleeping angel. So when

moved way inside, open your heart

the way you would a bag of fire.

The world is a spark between

birth and death.

Questions to Walk With

QUESTIONS TO WALK WITH

•  Since our openness is our lifeline, attend your own struggle, right now, and journal in detail about where your eye is closing, where your gaze is looking away, and where you find yourself fearful of the light. How can you course correct in each of these understandable exhaustions?