‘While that is the nicest thing a human male has ever offered to do for me, I really would rather you did the podcast,’ I said. Once my palms were clean, I turned my attention to the scratches on my belly. I looked like I’d lost a fight with all the cats from Cats, even Taylor Swift. ‘It might not seem like it today but years from now, when you’re not gaming any more, you’ll be really glad you did this. You’ll be able to play it for your kids. Won’t that be cool?’

‘In what, fifty years?’ he scoffed.

I looked up at Veronica, somewhat alarmed.

‘How young is he?’ I asked.

‘Snazz, you signed the contract, you’re doing the podcast,’ she said without taking her eyes off her phone as she tapped away. ‘Ros is trying to be nice, I’m not. Get your arse in gear and get it done.’

‘Does his mum not mind the swearing?’ I asked casually, hoping she didn’t decide to go full Naomi Campbell and beat me to death with her phone.

‘His mum doesn’t mind the money,’ she replied, glaring at me with such force, any comeback I might have had dried up in my throat.

‘What did you mean, when I’m not gaming any more?’ Snazz asked, his voice so low the voice modulator could barely pick it up. I leaned forward and nudged his knee, putting on a smile.

‘You might want to do something else when you’re older,’ I replied, eyes flitting over towards his agent, ready to duck any flying missiles. ‘You might want to work with charities or travel the world or get a job at KFC like other teenagers. Who knows?’

‘What if I wanted to do something else now?’ he asked, even more quietly, his voice barely above a whisper.

‘We should probably talk about that after the podcast,’ I answered, just as quietly.

‘What if I do it wrong?’ Snazzlechuff asked, his robot voice growing a little bit stronger. ‘I’ve never done a podcast before.’

‘You can’t get it wrong,’ I promised. ‘It’s your podcast. It’s literally impossible for you to make any kind of mistake.’

He looked down at his empty hands.

‘And you’ll help me?’

Holding my breath, I crouched down in front of him again, biting my lip against the sting of my injuries. ‘Snazz, I’ll do everything I can. I’ve had a very hard day and actually a really rough couple of months. I really don’t want to lose this job. Will you do it for me?’