‘Ros, where have you been?’ Ted barked as I climbed up the stairs to the backstage area. ‘Jesus, Mary and Joseph, what the hell happened to you?’

‘Pack of wild dogs,’ I said flatly, handing over the tiger mask. ‘I made it out alive but just barely. Is everyone here?’

In one corner of the room, I saw Snazz, wearing a shiny metal robot head, with his millionaire coworkers, Beezer Go-Go and PsychoBang, sitting beside him. All three of them were staring at me with wide and terrified eyes. Well, I assumed Snazz was staring at me, his mask was pointed in my direction at least.

‘So, everyone mic’d up? Everyone know exactly what they’re doing?’ I clapped my hands and pointed at the three chairs and the giant screens on the stage to the left of us. ‘Travis, they appear to have been struck mute. Have you tested their mics?’

Travis, the production assistant, coughed. ‘Mics are fine,’ he whispered.

‘I know I look a bit mad,’ I said, examining my bloodstained shirt as I spoke. ‘Would you believe me if I said it was cosplay?’

‘I’d believe you if you said you’d killed a man,’ replied Ted. ‘Are you OK, Ros? You do know you’re shaking?’

‘I don’t think anyone died,’ I said. ‘I tripped and fell, that’s all. I’m very clumsy, I fall over all the time. I’m amazed I haven’t broken my neck at work yet.’

‘You’ve never seemed especially clumsy to me,’ Ted replied, glancing over at Travis and the rest of the PodPad team who were loitering in the wings. They all looked at each other, muttering to confirm my elegance and grace.

‘Well,’ I said in a high-pitched voice, a giant grin stretching across my face. ‘Either you accept I tripped and fell, and we get on with the podcast, or I can tell you all the story about how I got stuck trying to climb over a gate while wearing the tiger mask then broke up with my boyfriend. Which would you prefer?’

‘Must have been a steep fall.’ Veronica emerged from the darkness of the arena and answered on everyone’s behalf. ‘I hope the stairs took a beating as well.’

‘Stairs weren’t as bothered as I would like,’ I admitted, walking over to the sound desk and making sure everything had been set up as per my instructions. ‘But I can’t think about the stairs right now or I might lose my mind. Are you excited, Snazz? All ready to go?’

The robot mask moved a fraction but he didn’t say anything.

‘He’s fine,’ Veronica said, cuffing him around the back of the head in the way only a family member could. ‘Bit of stage fright, that’s all.’