‘I used to represent a different kind of talent,’ she clarified as I nodded at the semi-skimmed option. ‘Photographers, makeup artists, stylists, that kind of shit, but now there’s no money in that. Someone needs a makeup artist, they don’t call me, they go on Instagram and see who has the most likes. Same with a photographer. People think knowing how to use filters is the same as knowing how to take a great photo. Photography is an art. Don’t come to me demanding ten grand a day until you’ve got a herniated disc in your neck from holding up a fucking reflector eighteen hours a day for five years. No one wants to learn the skills, no one wants to pay their dues. Drives me fucking insane.’

‘So you decided to work with a grizzled old veteran like Snazzlechuff?’

She snorted out a laugh that turned into a prolonged smoker’s cough.

‘He might be a little twat but he is talented,’ she replied, pressing a hand against her chest as she finished her hacking. ‘Admittedly, that talent is not curing cancer or even being able to remember to shower twice a day, but at least it’s honest. Someone was going to take him on, I figured it might as well be me. Every wanker with a pair of AirPods thinks he’s an agent these days and they’re all out to take advantage, lining their own pockets rather than looking after the client. I am actually attempting to look after the little bastard.’

Who would have believed it? Underneath it all, Agent Veronica had a heart.

‘But you didn’t answer my question,’ she continued, pushing my coffee across the island. ‘What’s gone so wrong that working with my little shitstain is the best you can do with your life?’

Or maybe not.

‘I think all kinds of stories have value,’ I said, clinging to something I once thought was true. ‘Snazz has a perspective to share that no one else does. There aren’t many people in the world in his position.’

‘Thank fuck,’ she replied flatly.

‘In all honesty, the job came to me but I’m really glad it did,’ I said, trying to sound convincing. I wrapped my hands around the mug, freezing cold in my jeans and T-shirt, even though it was still scorching outside. Snazz wanted you to know his house had air conditioning and he was not afraid to use it. ‘I was in radio before this, producing news shows, culture shows. I worked on a show called The Book Report, you might have heard of that?’

Veronica locked her steely eyes on mine before bursting out into a throaty cackle that, against all the odds, I found endearing.