If one of the partners, or both, are for some emotional reason unable to participate in imaginative sex then, obviously, imaginative sex is not likely to be successful with that couple. Love games encourage, or require, that two fully play. If the wife, in her affection for her husband, merely cooperates, there is nothing of much interest. She will make him feel, implicitly and unintentionally, like some kind of nut. Similarly, if a husband, because he has an affection for his wife, humors her by strained and awkward pretenses, there will be little pleasure for either of them. Indeed, he will probably embarrass her and she will feel, inevitably, like some deviant or pervert. She is not, of course. She is just a human being who wants to bring her mind and her imagination into her sex life. That it doesn’t belong there is preposterous. Sex is too important and pleasurable to be left to the glands. All human beings have sexual fantasies, and yet, amazingly, we are often reticent to communicate these to others. This is really a fantastic tribute to the efficacy of antisexual conditioning. One problem, of course, is that a fantasy which appeals to one individual may not appeal to another. It is then up to each individual, by imaginative techniques, to feel himself into the fantasy of the other. There is something there, presumably, or the other would not be attracted by the fantasy. Entering into the fantasy world of another human being can be a very stimulating and exciting experience. We do not know another person, really, until we know their fantasies. We add and subtract pretty much the same way, but our fantasies are branded with our own histories and individualities. They are precious and, in certain particulars, unique to us. A person who does not wish to know our fantasies does not really wish to know us; he may wish to deal with us, or use us, but he does not really wish to know us. Our secret self, grandiose, delightful, silly, happy, sentimental, reveals itself in our fantasies. They are probably pretty close to what we are; we are perhaps most what we would be; our dreams are significant components of our identity; are they not as intimate to us as our abstractions and behaviors?

For the true success of the games both partners must be imaginative; be stimulated by their common enterprise; both must really enjoy and contribute to their mutual inventions; both must be responsible for, and fully participate in, the creation of their mutual love fantasies. Love games require players. One man on a tennis court by himself is stupid.

A certain amount of patience, of course, is to be recommended. One partner, or perhaps both, may have to enter gently into these games, perhaps a bit at a time, tentatively, trying them out, seeing if, for him or her, they are pleasurable.

Indeed, it is doubtless desirable to begin with simplicities and build to complexities.