Was it missing someone who was dead, this feeling that the world had altered and that the old perspectives and measuring devices were no longer quite true or reliable?

‘A bit.’

‘Yes. You know, I wish I’d been at his funeral. I keep thinking about it, regretting that I wasn’t there.’

Ted had never really liked Tony. He had thought my husband was dull. ‘Your accountant’ he had called him wilfully, because he knew well enough that in those days Tony was a junior account handler in an ad agency. ‘He looks like an accountant,’ Ted would say and shrug.

‘Ted wasn’t there himself,’ I said. It was true. He had been entirely absent from the proceedings.

‘Even so. I wish I had been.’ Tony put his empty cup back on the tray and dotted up the last crumbs of toast with his forefinger before licking it clean. ‘Well. I’d better head for home. I’ve got to finish the presentation for tomorrow, and Suzy’s had a long weekend with the girls.’

‘Of course. Thanks for having Jack. He misses you. Not that it’s your fault,’ I said hastily. ‘I didn’t mean that, it’s just the way it is.’

Tony hugged me. ‘Don’t worry so much.’ We liked each other, Tony and I, and there were times when I did wish we were still together, living in a comfortably battered house like Caz and Graham, mildly bickering, complaining about one another and yet vegetably entwined like ancient tree roots.

He called goodbye upstairs to Jack on his way out.

Jack appeared at the head of the stairs, his small figure outlined against the light in the stairwell. I could see the conflict between his wish to run downstairs to his father, and his anger with him for leaving and me for always being there. ‘Bye,’ he said. He turned away again before the door closed behind Tony.

He claimed that he had homework, so I let him eat his supper in his room.

Mel called much later, to tell me about the pictures she and Jasper had looked at together and the dinner up in Montmartre with all the lights of Paris laid out just for them.

‘How wonderful,’ I said.

‘It was.’ Mel chuckled. ‘Weird, isn’t it? I looked at him across the table and I thought, it’s you. After all this time, it’s you.’

‘You’re not afraid any more?’