I walked around the kitchen, steadying myself. The waves of anger slowly subsided as I made myself a cup of tea and sat down at the table to drink it. My next instinct was to call Mel or Caz and summon their support in refuting what Audrey had said. But I knew I should deal with this alone. I sat for a long time and tried to disentangle the threads of truth from the mess of resentment.

I did need to control my life, because I had grown up in confusion. Lola had rebelled against that control in all the usual ways, and Jack was choosing to make his protest in a different but equally characteristic manner.

I was a bit of a prig, with my ideas about duty and truth. Audrey was right about that.

And I also loved my children. I would hold on to that.

ELEVEN

On the following Friday evening I drove Jack over to his father’s house in Twickenham. As soon as Tony opened the door to us he held out his arms to Jack and they stood under the porch swaying together in a long hug.

‘Go on in, son,’ Tony said when they finally broke apart. He kissed me lightly on the cheek as I edged into the porch too.

‘Bye, Mum,’ Jack called and vanished into the house.

‘Are you coming in for a drink?’ Tony asked. ‘Suzy’s just putting the girls to bed.’

Past his shoulder I could see toys and shoes and an overturned tricycle blocking the hallway, superficial evidence of the close chaos of life with small children. I smiled at him. ‘I won’t, thanks. I’ve got to get back.’

‘Okay.’ My ex-husband looked relieved and also embarrassed by his relief. Suzy and I didn’t have much in common except Tony himself, and our encounters were always slightly uncomfortable.

‘Is everyone well?’ I asked.

‘Yeah, fine. I’ll bring him back on Sunday evening, then.’

‘Thanks.’ I nodded. This was our usual arrangement. ‘Have a good time.’

Even after all these years, it felt strange to be walking away from Tony. The sound of his voice and his silhouette against the lighted hall were so minutely familiar. I knew just what it would be like, if Suzy and the twins were to be somehow dematerialised, if I were to go inside now and sit down to family dinner with him and Jack. I knew what we would talk about and what Tony’s responses would be to my remarks, and the exact way he would sit on the sofa after dinner and go through some papers from work.