Tony’s voice at the other end of the line almost made me jump. ‘I’ve got to go and help Suzy with the girls,’ he said. ‘I’ll give Jack a call and sort out about the weekend. I’m not supposing for a minute that my involvement will solve any problems for him or even answer any questions, but I’ll do what I can. I’m sorry you have to deal with so much of this stuff on your own.’

‘Thanks,’ I said.

‘I love Jack too, you know. And you as well, if that counts for anything.’

‘Thanks,’ I repeated, blinking at sudden tears. ‘Bye, then.’

I walk across the kitchen and stand at the window looking at the empty roofline opposite. The pigeons have all gone home to roost. It’s early May and the trees that line the garden walls are unfurling crumpled leaves from sticky sheaths. A luminously clear sky is fading into pale almond green behind the roofs and chimneys, and the rinsed clarity of the light reminds me of the evening over a month ago when Ted was taken ill and I was walking through the streets to meet Mel for dinner. I felt strong and lucky then, and rich in my children and my friendships, but now I am gripped by a dismal sense that I have reached the age of fifty and taken a series of wrong turnings.

I turn back and pick up the phone. Lola’s network voicemail invites me to leave a message. Caz and Graham are visiting Caz’s mother. And Mel’s answering machine announces that she is unable to take my call. She is either out on the town with new Jasper or under the duvet with him, and I feel distinctly jealous. Intimacy is a fine thing, but some mindless sex would be welcome. I realise it’s such a long time since I have enjoyed anything of the kind that I have almost – but painfully not quite – forgotten what it’s like.

‘Never mind,’ I say out loud, and my voice breaking the silence underlines my isolation and makes me smile at the same time. I’m going to turn into one of those old ladies who talk to themselves. I’ve moved up into the front line for old age, now that Ted has gone.

I miss my father and I realise that I haven’t even begun to mourn him yet.

SIX

We all had Cassie to kiss and cuddle and play with, at least.