The skin where my bump used to be is tight again. You’re young – you’ll spring right back. That’s what everybody said. Nobody would guess she ever existed, unless they saw the scar. Work, exercise, good food, fresh air, not shutting yourself away, staying busy. Those are the things the professionals advise.

Working in the paediatric unit helps. We are all different, and for some it would be too painful, but for me, though it hurts, seeing children who can still be saved is a kind of therapy.

I am nearly finished with the five kilometres I routinely do at the gym on working days, when I have to be at the hospital early. Otherwise I’d run for an hour. Maybe I’d run all day, or until I exhausted myself and fell over. So often, when I run, I hear Zac’s voice. You know you’re not strong, Holly. Maybe this used to be true, and that’s why he chose me. Or maybe it wasn’t true but I let him make it so.

I hear Milly’s voice, too. It’s the rejection from MI5 – that’s why you let Zac do whatever he wants – you think you don’t deserve any better.

The treadmills are positioned in a row on the first floor, in front of windows that overlook the tiny car park. It fits six cars, so I try to get here a few minutes before the gym opens. That way, I can be in and out super-fast. Already, the car park is full.

I watch a familiar SUV pull in. It belongs to George, who joined the gym a few months after I did. He is smiley and chatty to everyone. He told me once that he worked in computer security, and I remember thinking that he had the vague, civil-service-y profile of a perfect spy. I’d promptly dismissed the idea as ridiculous and chided myself for being paranoid. I was starting to feel stronger, then, and it had been easy to let the thought drift away in the wake of medical appointments and counselling sessions. But given Zac’s reappearance, and the fact that this is the first time I’ve seen George in weeks, I am wondering if I should have taken my initial instinct more seriously.

Instead of finding a space on the street like any normal person would do when they see the car park is full, George leaves his car right in the middle of it. He blocks me in. He blocks everybody in. My heart rate climbs. 138, 140.

Again I hear Zac’s voice. It isn’t safe for you to drive, Holly. I can’t let you go, Holly.

I speed up. I watch George jump out of his car, whistling to himself as if he has done nothing wrong.