It was like being in a nightmare where you wanted to speak but nothing would come out. I shook my head. I looked at the door. I pointed at it. Go, my body was trying to tell her. Leave at once. Get out of my sight.

‘I don’t want to upset you,’ she said.

I closed my eyes again. When I opened them she was still there.

‘I hear you’re being discharged tomorrow. I wanted to talk to you before then.’

The tears were sliding down my cheeks. I thought they would never stop.

‘I wanted to say how sorry I am.’

I turned onto my side, my back to her.

‘Do you still want to get away from him?’ Her voice was very quiet. It was almost gentle. It was not a tone I imagined she was capable of.

I tented my face with the blanket, so she couldn’t see me.

‘We know it will be hard, but it will work best if you let him take you back to his house. My understanding is that they won’t discharge you if you’re alone.’

‘No.’ I let the blanket fall, so the air could no longer circulate around my nose.

She lifted it away. ‘I’m worried you can’t breathe.’

‘No,’ I said again. The word was a whisper.

‘Holly, if you go to Peggy’s you will find it much more difficult to take the necessary steps. You won’t have to stay with him for long.’

‘I can’t be near him. You don’t understand.’

‘Tell me. Help me to understand.’

‘Just go.’

‘Listen to me. We’ll get you out quickly, but it’s important to convince him you’ve gone, so he won’t look for you.’ Her hand was on my shoulder and I cringed away so violently she gasped.

‘He’ll never stop,’ I said.

‘The plans we already put in place are good ones. Let us at least do this for you. We’ll have the medical care set up, and the other support you’ll need. Plus a job, when you are stronger. I want to help you,’ she says.

‘You? You want to help?’

‘Yes. All of us. But me especially.’

My voice was raspy and low. ‘I don’t want your help.’

‘I know you don’t,’ she said, ‘but you need it.’