Somebody has taken my baby out, but I find her in a little basket by my bed, and though she is bone-white and made of plastic, though she is only a doll, there is a zipper at the bottom of my belly, so I slide it open and put my baby back inside, then seal it up again so I can keep her safe. Now she will turn soft once more, and she will pink up and grow, so the next time she comes out she will be ready.

I opened my eyes. I was in a tight white bed in a small white room with a needle on top of each hand, kept in place with tape that had tubes snaking out from beneath it. Bags of fluid floated above metal posts like deflating balloons.

I crept a hand under the sheet. My skin burned with the tug of the needle. I let my hand hover above my belly, and told myself this was a nightmare and I would wake up. I lowered my hand. My belly wobbled like jelly. The firm bump was gone. Lower down, my skin was covered in papery fabric that I couldn’t pull away.

I opened my mouth to cry out. No sound came. But then I tried again, and when I started to scream, and I saw that Zac was sleeping in the chair, and he jumped up as nurses rushed in, I knew it wasn’t a nightmare at all. And I screamed and screamed, and tried to tear the needles from my arm, and shouted at them to give me my baby. I kicked and thrashed and tried to stand, but they were holding me down and stabbing something into the top of my arm, and I fell back, crying softly, begging them to tell me where she was as my eyes closed again.

I was in the same white room, in the tight white bed. Peggy was sitting by my side in the hard chair where Zac used to be. She leaned over and smoothed my hair from my face. There were tears running down her cheeks.

‘Why are you crying, Peggy?’

‘Because you have been so ill, and we thought we’d lose you. You bled so much you nearly died.’

‘How long have I been here?’

‘A week.’ She hesitated. ‘Do you – do you want to see Zac?’

I closed my eyes. I shook my head.

‘He was desperate for me to ask you. They’ve told him to stay away – it upsets you too much, when he’s near.’

‘I want my baby.’

She took my hand in hers. ‘Holly, you’ve said goodbye to her.’

‘Bring her.’

She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She tried again. ‘Your baby is with the angels. She’s grown wings.’

‘No.’ I took in several shuddering breaths. ‘No. She’s not. No.’

‘You held her, my darling. You said goodbye. She’s gone.’