‘Well, I don’t want to “just get on with it” or “get over it”. I refuse to go to my grave in instalments. Remember when you said, Emmy, that the thing you missed most in life was great sex, mostly because you can remember having it? Well, I’m having it. Lots of it. And I’d do anything to keep having it. It’s my last hormonal hurrah, like you said. I’m glad I got the misdiagnosis. Otherwise the alarm would not have gone off on my mortality. Getting cancer was the best thing that never happened to me,’ I concluded, illogically.

My sisters just kept staring at me, gobsmacked. It was as if I were sending postcards from a parallel universe.

‘Look, you’re just at a tricky time in your marriage,’ Amber placated. ‘If your marriage was a week, you’re kind of up to Wednesday afternoon – too far from the last fun weekend and too far from the next. But you’ll get there.’

‘Well, I still intend to carpe the hell out of the diem no matter what day it is. And, anyway,’ I said, peeved, ‘shouldn’t you two be just a little bit pleased that I’m not actually dying?’

‘Of course we’re pleased,’ Emerald said, through clenched teeth.

‘Then be happy for me. You’ve totally underestimated Brody, too. He wouldn’t abandon me because of a cancer diagnosis. It would only make him love me more. Ask him yourselves, as soon as he gets here.’

Emerald and Amber exchanged a glance. I stabbed at Brody’s name on my mobile. The call went straight to voicemail. I tried again. And again.

‘The thing is, Ruby,’ Emerald finally said. ‘We told Brody that you wanted him to leave you alone. And that he had to allow you to be with your husband and family in your final months. We told him that you wanted us to tell him that it was all over, not to contact you and to leave you in peace.’

‘And that, as a doctor, he should respect your final wishes. As a doctor who has broken the law and could be struck off,’ Amber added, with earnest insinuation.

It was then that the real tidal wave of panic rolled in and pulled me under. ‘You blackmailed him? Why? Why have you sabotaged my one chance at love and happiness? Mum was right – you’re both jealous, selfish, horrible siblings.’

I observed then that it’s a good idea to love one’s enemies, just in case your friends and family turn out to be two-faced, rotten rats. I’d just turned to run to the gangway and fight my way back on board when I saw my husband striding across the dock towards me, flanked by my brothers-in-law.