i stole you from behind his cold

flap at the funeral, i knew you were

not teeth, but seeds. forgive me

who planted you between the collards

& the hull peas, who waters you

daily with erk & jerk & prays for rain.

with enough belief a boy will sprout

with 24-karat skin, his whole

body one gold tooth, yellow

ballad, plaqued, unbreakable

& i will raise him right.

on faggotness

the word faggot. means different. any boy-shaped. child who behaves a way. someone else’s tenderness. revolted toward the child. the first time i remember. being called that kind. mother’s room. mother’s mirror. mother’s dress. spinning. some small song. grand. pa said. that boy gonna be a. faggot. i didn’t. know what it meant. but it had to be. akin to king. or mighty. different. a good kind. but then i looked it up in his eyes. saw my body upside down.

//

sitting on the ledge of. the tub holding down the lever so the water’ll drain. watching a bit of black. grace toward the soft whirl & think. if the black bit was human sized it would be. flying. driving. drowning. being in the river when the river suddenly surges. half-tipsy & sixteen. summer-drunk. last day of camp. mama pick me up. grandma in backseat. ride home. she ask. how was it. i say. great. she ask. what happened. i say. a boy came out. & no one made a big deal. she ask. how that make you feel. i say. good. cause i’m bi. summer gone. dumb tongued. wasted pilot. whoa whoa whoa whoa. sweet Jesus. flagrant foul. mayday mayday. house turned ash due to sleep cigarette. accidental fag. standing in a puddle. suddenly the Mississippi. i was swept a great distance at a startling speed.

//