i need no church but my niggas’ arms

i need no savior but their love

oh sweet God if you be my nigga

don’t never take my niggas from me

lest i be a black & yolkless language

lest i be tabernacle at the bottom

of the sea, lest i be whittled down

to not a nigga but a n-word

one letter to say a thing about shame

keep me free from that language.

let me live on the tongues

of my people & when they gone

from this world then i have no use

for me, let language end when they end

let my breath jump off the cliff

with them, let me be a follower

into a greater world, where streets

are paved with our enemies’ teeth

& the angels sing of shine

where the rivers flow milk & honey

& hennessey & kool-aid &

none of that, just give me

the heaven of now, just give me

days near water with my niggas.

just leave me be in sun

surrounded by my nigs

as we get blacker

we caramelized children

of dark stars, we summer

kin, august colored, my brick

colored friends, the safety

that is them being, the peace

i feel when near their hands

when they press green

in paper & seal with their lips

piff kiss, hosanna the rope

a text message be

for how many

times was i saved by the ding

of hey, how you? or what you

on, hoe? hallelujah the boat

of being bored with homies

the heaven of my niggas

in a silent room.

holy my darkest hours the only

thing that kept the blade

from my wrist & closed

the medicine cabinet was

the thought of my friends

in a room dressed in black

& browns not their skin, how

could i do that to them?

how could i deny us

the grace of accidents

& old age, the laws of

disease & holy sick?

there is already so much

trying to end us so let

it not include our hands

today, let us not be dead

& red-handed for it

not today, not never

not yet.

notes

dear suicide

how is the war? is it eating?

tell me of girls charging

backward into dumb tides

death’s wet mouth lapping

their ankles, knees, eyebrows.

tell me of sissies drunk

fireworks rocketing into earth

angels etched in cement.

how is the war? does it have

a wife? does she know how

the bodies got in her bed?

dear suicide

i know your real name.

i bind you from doing harm.

i enter the room like a germ.

i say your name, it is my name.

the walls cave around me like a good aunt.

the window hums. the door rocks me.

the dresser leaves to go make tea.

the room knows my name.

it binds us from doing harm.

dear suicide

where are you keeping my friends?

every cup i turn over holds only air.

i jimmy open a tulip expecting their faces

but find only the yellow heart.