I hate the way he says it, but I hate the dress more, so I let him untie the back. He pulls it down and presses a kiss to the side of my neck, right where the rot has started to reach, and I let him because I have to. I let him skim his fingers over me because I have to. I let him push my hair back from my face and hold me at the waist because I have to.

He lied to me. Fangs, feathers, and flesh shimmer at the edge of my vision. The red stream blooms on my tongue.

But he tries to pull off my underwear, and I make an inhuman noise, my jaw practically unhinging, my too-long tongue curling, saliva dripping over my teeth. No, no, he does not get to touch me, he does not get to touch me like that.

Theo stumbles back, eyes wide, hitting the bed. “Shit,” he whispers, “I’m sorry, I thought—”

“Don’t touch me,” I snarl. “Don’t you fucking think you can.”

“Is everything okay?”

“Just give me some goddamn robes.”

Theo hands me a set of plain civilian clothes and stands a few paces away while I wrap my arms around myself and try to steady my breathing. Breathe, Benji. Keep it together.

“I don’t see you as a girl,” he says, like that’s the problem. Like a cis person would ever get it.

“Stop. Shut up.”

“I’m sorry.”

He’s not.

Late that night, after Theo has left for the couch and I’m alone, I slip out of bed to the window. I pull Nick’s note from the pocket of my dress and smooth it out, pressing down the folded corners, keeping the writing facedown.

Beside it goes the trans bead lizard. The one he gave me, the one I hid in my pillowcase when we arrived.

I turn over the note. There, in his scratchy handwriting, are two words:

Squad Calvary.

Nick was in Squad Calvary.

I wander out to the living room where Theo is sprawled out on the couch. His lips are parted gently in sleep.

Nick should have killed him.

Chapter 29

Lord, allow them injury so that they may turn to You. May they cry out to You. Let their blood mingle with Yours, so that they may be washed of their sins as they pass to You. Let them be judged. Give them what they deserve.

—Angel prayer for the unsaved