We return to the dormitory, dodging people asking for blessings all the way, and Mom sends Theo to wash up for dinner before sitting across from me in the living room. I’m taking up the couch, staring at the empty entertainment center. There used to be a TV there, back when this was still a college dorm. Now there’s a Bible opened to a random verse below a framed photograph of Mom, Dad, and me. It’s the one thing we were allowed to keep when we arrived.

The two of them are beautiful. Mom in a sea-foam green dress, Dad with his grungy band shirt and dress shoes. They’re both so young, so untouched by everything.

And then me, a newborn thing, cradled in their arms.

“You cut your hair,” Mom says.

I grit my teeth. “Dad did.”

“I loved him as much as you did, Esther.”

The name sticks like a thorn, digging deeper and deeper. “You had him killed.”

“I know his passing pained you,” Mom says with a hint of disgust—how dare you grieve what was always His to take—”but you don’t need to be cruel. He made a mistake that affected everyone, and what happened was God’s will. Do you understand?”

I need to pretend I’m happy.

“I understand,” I whisper.

“No matter what, I’m glad you’re home.” She comes over to press her lips to my temple. “Tomorrow is just the beginning. I hope we can put all this behind us.”

Theo comes back. Even though the food is fresh and greener than anything I’ve had at the ALC—potatoes, kale, and hard bread, all grown and made within New Nazareth—the idea of dinner makes my stomach turn. I shut myself in my room and press my temple against the wall until Theo slips in.

“Hey,” he murmurs, bringing me out of the groggy mess of my head. I’ve tried to pray but nothing’s worked. All I can think of is the congregation watching me with awe, wondering when I’ll bring hellfire raining down on the heretics. “How’re you doing?”

“Fine.” I want to rip out his stomach. It’s right there, his guts under a thin layer of cloth and skin. It’d be so simple. Sink my teeth in and take out his intestines like too many worms stuffed into his abdominal cavity. “Keep the door open, or Mom will flip her shit.”

“She just left, actually. Said she needed to prepare for tomorrow, and I should keep an eye on you.” He sits down on the bed beside me. “Told her I could do that, no problem.”

“She hates leaving us alone together.”

“Well, we are engaged.” Believe me, I haven’t forgotten. “Must make it a little more palatable. Let’s get you out of that dress.”