The quiet goes on too long. The staring. The terror lodged in my lungs. It’s long enough that I wonder if Seraph is playing tricks on me, more than the feathers at the edges of my sight and the tooth buried in the courtyard. It has frozen this moment and is forcing me to take it all in, to recognize the fear in my friends’ eyes. Cormac reaching for a gun that isn’t by his side anymore. Aisha’s back pressed against the wall, trembling.

I promised I would be good. I should have known it wouldn’t be enough.

It isn’t until Carly audibly whimpers that I realize it isn’t Seraph. It’s just us, what’s left of us, all terrified of one another. Nick puts a hand on my shoulder and squeezes. I can feel the tension in his fingers, like he’s putting everything he has into this little touch.

“Easy,” he says. I’m not sure if he’s talking to me or everyone else. “Everything’s okay. Benji, go ahead.”

I don’t know what to say. What is there to say at all?

“I, um.” I am a monster standing among the living, a boy made of raw meat and dying flesh. “It’s me.”

Sadaf saves me.

She springs off the floor and runs to me, skirts billowing out in a pastel cloud. Aisha tries to grab her, then Faith, but she slips between their fingers and comes to a stop just inches away. Her soft hands clasp what’s left of my cheeks. Her eyes glimmer.

“I knew it!” she cries in triumph. “I knew something was going on! I didn’t think it could be the Flood, since it was moving too slowly, but I knew it had to be something—oh, are you contagious?” I shake my head. “Didn’t think so. You wouldn’t do that.” My chest twists painfully. She has no idea. “Sarmat, Aisha, come look at this!”

That’s what breaks the spell of terror. People come up, one by one, slowly. Faith whispers, “Does it hurt?” Salvador picks me up off the ground in a hug, saying, “You freaky bastard!” Erin leans against the wall, slumping with relief. Nick smiles down at his feet. One of his hands is going tp tp tp, but there’s a happiness to it I’ve never seen before.

“So,” Alex says, watching me cautiously from beside the radio. “Why are you telling us this now? What’s wrong?”