Gunner might be a lot of things, but he was right about one thing. If a sheep keeps playing with the wolf they’re bound to be eaten. Not only have I allowed myself to get bitten by him a few times, I let him eat me alive.

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Four

Gunner

Hitting rock bottom is as lovely as shoving my dick in a blender.

As soon as Gia leaves, I drop Cora off at Alana’s house, then come back home to drown myself in sorrow with a bottle of tequila.

Alcohol is a nasty addiction that makes me feel like I’m on top of the world, but when I’m sober, I feel like my face slammed into a concrete wall seven million times. I used to think love was poison; I was as wrong as two left shoes. Heartbreak is a poison that kills you slowly and softly.

For three weeks, I call Gia repeatedly, filling her voicemail.

Please, come home.

I miss you.

You made me feel things I’ve never felt before.

We’re not really broken up, you just said that because you’re mad.

I still watch television shows on Tuesdays and Saturdays like we did when we were together. I just finished the show How I Met Your Mother.

One day, I will be like Ted and tell our kids how I met you. Except I won’t be asking them for permission to date Aunt Robin. You’re my one and only.

Eventually, her voicemail is full and I can’t leave any more.

When I get tired of smelling my own ass, I undress, hop in the shower, and scrub my skin raw. My ma always told me if I sit in shit long enough, I’ll stop smelling it and she wasn’t wrong. So I need to get myself out of my own shit and stop having a fucking pity party.

I need to come clean to myself and my family about my alcoholism and take the final steps to recovery. I don’t have to be a victim of my past or my PTSD, and if I don’t get the help I can now, I’m going to drink myself into an early grave. I have too much to live for; I have a girl and family who love me.

After I turn off the scorching-hot water, I jump out of the shower. I wrap a towel around my waist, rest my palm on the cold black granite counter, and stare at myself in the mirror. Long and hard.