I don’t like the man who’s staring back at me. That’s why I never look at my reflection. Ma always told me if you can’t look at yourself in the mirror without feeling ashamed then you need to change the way you are to be the person you’re proud of. And this is not the man she raised. She raised someone to be strong and take care of people and love fiercely. I don’t know who the hell the person I’m staring at is. I feel like a fucking stranger in my own skin.

After I go to the bedroom, I change into a black cotton shirt and gray sweatpants. Then I head to the kitchen and pour every bottle of liquor down the drain. It hurts like hell to watch my poison be thrown away. But I have to get my ass in gear and get serious about my sobriety. So, I head upstairs to my bedroom, grab my phone from my nightstand, and dial the number to a rehab Hannah recommended. Then I call Ma and Alana and ask them to meet me at my house in an hour.

* * *

“I’m an alcoholic,” I say as four pairs of eyes stare at me while I stand in front of the entertainment center. They are all so quiet I can hear a pin drop. “That’s why Gia dumped my sorry ass.” I rub the back of my neck. “And I’m going to rehab for three months.” I hired a guy named Connor to run my bank until I come back.

Everyone starts firing off questions like a machine gun before my ma starts to cry hysterically.

“How long have you been drinking?” Ma asks, wiping her tears with the back of her hand and looking to Herold as if he has answers.

“Since I was sixteen, but it got worse over the last year.”

“Did you know about this?” Alana asks Darien as she punches him in the arm.

“No, because I would’ve dropped his ass off at a rehab center myself.” He folds his arms across his chest. “That’s probably why he didn’t tell me.” He shoots me a stern look. He’s right, I knew that was what he would have done.

“Cora is going to stay with you,” I tell Alana.

“Sure,” she says. I need to let her know that I’m leaving for a while, so I shout her name for her to come downstairs and several minutes later she appears in the living room.

“What? Tuxedo?” She props herself on the couch next to Alana.

I bend down and my left knee rests on the wooden floor, so I’m on eye level with her.

“I’m going to go away for a few months, so you’ll be staying with Alana.”