Derek and Natalie are the man with the camera and the woman with the scarf. I commit to remembering their names this time around. Derek is a hobbyist aquatic photographer and Natalie is his girlfriend. She hasn’t taken off her large sunglasses, so I never know if she’s looking at me or not. But she seems observant, her gaze constantly roving around the room. I stay quiet, trying not to draw any attention to myself.

Thankfully, Pippa does most of the talking for the group of us. After Aaron let us know the trip out to the reef was three hours, she started chatting away. When she asks Derek and Natalie how long they’ve been dating, Natalie shrugs and says, ‘A couple of months,’ and Derek says, ‘We’re in the honeymoon phase,’ while beaming. I wish Millie was here because the difference in their reactions is so stark that I don’t think they’ll last much longer than this trip, and I desperately want someone to gossip with.

I decide to avoid Natalie, at least for today. She seems forward and smart. And I’m nervous she’s the type to notice I’m going by a different name, and want to address it. So instead, I focus on Derek, making the mistake of asking him about his camera and getting trapped in what felt like an hour-long lecture on the pros and cons of underwater cameras and why this one in particular was the best money could buy. I find out that he works for a tech company, which confirms my worst fears: Derek is a very smart man from Texas who acts like a frat boy and buys the most expensive toys he can. Once again, I wish for Millie, but I see Pippa stifle a giggle when Derek asks if I want to see some of his old dive photos, and I feel a sense of relief that there is someone like-minded on the boat with me.

Throughout the conversation, if you could even call it that considering I hardly said more than three words, I see Hugh glance once or twice in my direction. We have settled into a familiar seat pattern. Hugh and I are on the same bench, Derek and Natalie are on the bench in the middle, and Pippa and Andrew are across from Hugh and me. We form a U-shape around Aaron, who presides over us from the captain’s chair.

At one point, Derek launches into an explanation of how cameras are instrumental in researching marine life. He accompanies this monologue with an explanation of the marine life present in the Great Barrier Reef. During his lecture, I see Hugh shift in his seat more than once. I see him fight back a smile out of my peripherals. It’s good to know at least one person is enjoying this conversation.