With the motor off, the air on the boat is still and silent. We are drifting lazily towards the dock. The voicemail from my mother starts blaring from my phone. I barely register that I must have accidentally hit the speakerphone button. I listen with a racing heart as my mom speaks.

‘Andi? Shhh,’ the voicemail breaks and turns fuzzy, then my mom’s voice comes through crystal clear again. ‘Paul, I’m leaving Andi a voicemail. Honey? Millie has a bad infection. We had to go back to the hospital. We’re here now – we’ve been here about . . .’ she pauses ‘. . . about sixteen hours. Millie’s asleep. The doctors say this complicates the road to recovery.’ She pauses again and clears her throat. ‘I know you’re not supposed to come home for another day, but do you think you could come home early?’ Her voice gets further away from the phone. ‘Paul, she needs to know,’ she tells my dad sternly. ‘I love you, sweetheart. Call me when you get this.’

I stop breathing. I don’t feel like I’m in my body anymore. At some point in the voicemail, Hugh has taken his hand off my thigh. My heart slows. I barely register Pippa’s eyes on mine, large and sympathetic. Even Aaron looks concerned.

Nobody speaks. There’s a faint ringing in my ears. It drowns out the seagulls calling and the sound of the boat’s motor.

‘We’ll be on land in five,’ Aaron says softly. ‘I’ll radio for a taxi to take you to the airport.’

I nod my head. My mouth feels like it’s filled with cotton. I can’t seem to form any words with my lips. My sister, is all I can think. My big sister.

Tears pool in my eyelids and start cascading down my cheeks.

My head feels light and my knees feel weak. I place a hand on the bench next to me to steady myself. My sister. I feel blood draining from my face. My hands feel clammy. I breathe in through my nose. Breathe, I think. Just make it to the airport. I can see the dock in the distance. I lock my eyes on it. There’s nothing you can do from here, I tell myself, but it doesn’t make me feel any better.

I feel a tear land on my thigh in a heavy drop. I can’t help but picture Millie in a hospital bed, alone, without me. Thinking about the beeping of machines makes my breath come faster, in shallower spurts. I wipe my nose with the back of my hand. My big sister.

Just then, Natalie’s head snaps to attention. She smacks her palm on her forehead.

‘Andi!’ she exclaims. She covers her mouth immediately, as if she knew right away that was the wrong thing to say in the moment.