‘But what if I go all the way there and I don’t find them?’ I ask. ‘It’ll all be a waste.’ I can’t believe I’m even entertaining going on my sister’s dream trip while she undergoes major surgery. Her eyes water.

‘That’s OK with me. As long as we tried. And . . .’ she pauses, her eyes twinkling ‘. . . no good tan is ever a waste.’

‘Ugh,’ I groan. We both know I’m going to go. Even though I’ve never travelled alone, even though I’m overwhelmingly underprepared, even though I’m terrified.

@millieandipaxton Let’s say someone is forced to go to Cairns for two days (no one would give up Columbus for Cairns on their own volition). What would you tell them to do (besides scuba, of course)?

@hughharris94 Depends on whose asking.

@millieandipaxton Me.

@hughharris94 Hmm . . . Unfortunately, we don’t have a Rock n’ Roll Hall of Fame here, so you may be disappointed.

@millieandipaxton Okay, forget I asked.

@hughharris94 What time of year?

@millieandipaxton Let’s say summer.

@hughharris94 Is this your way of telling me you’re coming to Cairns in the next month or two?

@millieandipaxton I knew I should have gone straight to Tripadvisor.

@hughharris94 Well, I’m not from there but I’ve been a couple times. Probably have better recommendations than Tripadvisor.

@millieandipaxton Tripadvisor would have taken me less time.

@hughharris94 Fine. Since you’ve made it abundantly clear that you like poisoning yourself with coffee, I would tell you to start your day at Cairns Cup. Get a flat white. Then go to marina and do the walking path along the shore, but the Americans usually talk so loudly they ruin the path for the rest of us. You should get up into the rainforest, there’s some great hikes (and plenty of places to contemplate how we drove the butterfly wrasse to extinction). And, because I know you’ll ask, Vinnie’s in Portsmith has great thrift shopping. Although you’d think your fancy university pays you enough to buy new clothes.

@millieandipaxton Woah.

@hughharris94 What?

@millieandipaxton Nothing. Thank you.

@hughharris94 No, really. What?

@millieandipaxton I didn’t realise you had actually been listening to me.

@hughharris94 I haven’t been. All American girls are the same.

‘Mushroom coral!’ Millie barks. We’re getting pedicures. I’m getting my toes painted a safe, wine-coloured red, and Millie has opted for a sparkly turquoise.

‘Ummm.’ I rack my brain. ‘Lots of lines in a circle . . . um . . . the throw pillow one!’