“I know,” I say, playing with the wrinkled edges of my gown. “But I won’t be a virgin forever. And I’d like to have some idea of how protection works for me, since my partner probably won’t.”

Dad shakes his head, groaning. I turn back to Dr. Walker.

“I’ve tried to google this stuff,” I say. “But I get different answers each time.”

I know a lot about HIV—including the U=U rule. If someone’s viral load, the level of HIV in the blood, is undetectable, the virus is untransmittable. In other words, they can’t transmit HIV to someone else. Undetectable = Untransmittable. It doesn’t do much to help me now, though.

“That makes a lot of sense, Simone,” Dr. Walker says, placing her hands on her knees. “And I want you to know that sex is a real possibility for you when you’re ready, all right? You can speak to your other doctors if you want a second opinion.”

I nod. I can’t really see myself asking Dr. Khan about sex, though—she’s been seeing me since I was a baby, so she’s practically family at this point.

“The best time to have sex would be when your viral load has been undetectable for at least six months,” she says, glancing down at my file. “I’m not sure if that’s the case for you. Either way, it’s important that you continue to take your medication every day, at the right times.”

I press my lips together. Dr. Khan had to switch me to a new medication because I’d developed resistance to the old one. The last time I saw her, the virus was still detectable in my blood.

“It’s also important to take note of the types of sex and the risks that come along with them. Anal sex has the highest rate of transmitting HIV, while oral sex has the lowest rate.”

A glance to the side reveals Dad’s face, redder than I’ve ever seen it. He coughs into his elbow, like there’s something caught in his throat. I would tease him, but I don’t want him to think I’m being immature. I want him to know that I’ve already researched this. I never skip my pills and always cover open wounds with Band-Aids. I’m responsible about my illness.

“Like you said, you’d use condoms, but it’s important to make sure they’re made of latex or polyurethane,” she says, tapping against her folder. “I suppose it could be easier if you’re having relations with an HIV-positive partner, but you should take precautions regardless.”

“Yeah, I’ve heard that.” I scratch the back of my head. There’s one person I keep thinking about, someone with dark skin and a nice smile. “But what if my partner doesn’t have HIV? And my viral load is detectable?”

“Simone—” Dad starts.