“I don’t wanna sound like your parents, but sex isn’t everything,” Claudia says. “I can still have a good time with Emma without having sex. It sounds corny, but sex doesn’t always make a relationship.”

“I know, but I still want to. I just don’t want him to regret it.” My voice sounds so small, smaller than I’ve heard it in a while. “We kiss and he doesn’t think anything of it, because he doesn’t know. I’m afraid he won’t even want to touch me when he finds out. Why would he?”

“Don’t say that,” Claudia snaps. I glance up to see that her eyes are dark. “Never, ever say that, okay?”

“It’s true.”

“It’s not,” she fires back. Lydia stares between the two of us with wide eyes. “There are—damn, Simone, you’re not the only one with HIV. There are so many people who have it. You guys are people, like everyone else.”

“I know that.” My voice rises. Claudia talks like she is the positive one, but I’m the one living with HIV. I’m the one who takes a hit every time someone makes a stupid comment without thinking about it. “It’s just different, Claudia. Everyone is shallow, and I don’t think anyone would want to be around me if they knew.”

“We know and we’re still here,” Lydia says, squeezing my shoulder. “I’m so glad that you told us.”

Tears well up, and I blink to keep them from rolling over.

“Yeah.” I wipe at my eyes. “God, I hate this. I wish I were ace.”

“Girl, it has its own problems.” Claudia kisses her teeth. “You don’t know how many talks Emma and I have about it. I feel like we’re talking about it every single week. No, dear, I don’t like when you go down on me, even though I’m sure you’re really good at it.”

A snicker escapes my lips. “Dude.”

“It’s true.”

Part of me wants to laugh, but I’m still thinking about what she said before. I’m not the only one with HIV. There are tons of kids at St. Mary’s Hospital who go to get checkups each month, like me. We can’t all be lonely, unwanted members of society. I wouldn’t even want to be with someone who thinks badly of me because of the virus.

“I mean, I get why someone would be more, I don’t know, cautious,” Claudia says, lowering her voice. “But if you tell Miles and he’s a jerk about it, he just doesn’t deserve you.”

“I know.” I glance down at the hand holding Lydia’s. “I just really like him. I wish I didn’t have to do this and worry about how he’d react. It freaks me out.”