“I know exactly what that’s like,” he says, his voice rising again. “I was a sergeant on Titan. Did you ever stop to think about what that means? To think about the things I had to do in order to survive there? The choices I had to make? You think I got through three years keeping my hands clean?” He’s shouting again, too loud for me to even think about interrupting. “I did horrible things for the good of my people. And they died anyway.” His voice cracks, the anger dissolving into despair. I’m shocked to see his eyes wet with tears. “I’m never going to be able to come back from that. I’m never going to be able to sit with you and the others ever again without thinking of all the people who died for me to get there.” He sucks in a shaky breath. “I know I don’t deserve forgiveness for any of it. But I am doing everything I can to redeem myself. And that includes trying to keep you from making the same mistakes I did.”

My resolve is crumbling despite my best efforts, my shoulders starting to tremble.

“But you came back to us,” I say. “You survived Titan. What if becoming like that is the only way to keep going?” As much as I try to keep it down, an uncomfortable truth fights its way free of my mouth. “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t want to be like Momma, after everything she did to us. But the person I was before this wasn’t good enough to lead us. If I have to become someone I hate to take care of you all…” I’ve spent so long telling myself that becoming like Momma was the only way to save my family. I didn’t admit to myself until now how much that idea terrifies me. “I—I can feel all of you slipping away from me. I can feel myself fading away. I’m so fucking scared that’s the price of getting through this. But if that’s really the only way for us to survive, then what choice do I have?”

“I let myself think that way for too long,” Corvus says. “The truth is that there’s always a choice.” He takes a step toward me, hesitantly reaching out with one hand. “And you don’t have to shoulder the burden alone.”