Because to do otherwise would mean too much to me. Because I know it wouldn’t be the same for her. Because I can’t let myself grow used to this place… because I’m leaving, I’ve always known I’m leaving them behind, and my actions today solidified it. This is a reminder of who I’d have to become if I accepted Altair’s offer and stayed here, and it is not a person I want to be. Even that person can’t take care of my people here.

But most of all, I push her away because I don’t deserve comfort. Not after everything I’ve done.

“Because I just killed and buried one of our people,” I say, my voice quiet but cold as the storm outside. “Go to bed, Magda.”

She jerks back as if I’d burned her. For a moment, she hesitates; and for that moment, I almost wish she won’t leave. But I don’t speak, and the moment passes, and she leaves me. I spend the night alone on the floor, my arms wrapped around the power source, barely able to shut my eyes.

CHAPTER THIRTEEN

Liar’s Dice

Scorpia

The trip to Titan is usually mind-numbingly boring. Traveling between the other planets takes about a week, give or take a couple days, but Titan is so far out that it takes three entire weeks to get there from Gaia. Plus, there’s nothing out that way except empty space and the icy rock itself, which is not exactly a place that invites visitors. Even for smugglers like us, it’s rare for a job on Titan to be worth the fuel and time of getting there, let alone worth the risk of facing the volatile situation on the surface. So, it’s unlikely we’ll encounter anything more exciting than an occasional meteorite on the way, and autopilot can generally handle the trip on its own. Momma still prefers to have a warm body at the wheel at all times, just in case, but it doesn’t have to be me any more frequently than anyone else.

But after the colossal fuckup that was our job on Gaia, everyone’s tense and nervous and doing their best to avoid each other. It’s not easy to do when we’re all crammed on a small ship together, but we’ve gotten pretty good at it over the years. I spend each day awaiting my judgment from Momma… and yet, one week into our journey, she still has yet to punish me for what happened.