Shock leaves me at a loss for words for once. I always knew I disappointed Momma—she made that very, very clear—but I never realized how much. These three years, I’ve let myself believe that maybe I could step up to fill Corvus’s shoes. She let me believe it, with all her bullshit about me “being the oldest now” and needing to be “more responsible.” But with what she’s saying now, it’s clear she never would have let me. I have a sinking feeling that even if Corvus wasn’t coming back, this conversation would’ve come one day, maybe when Lyre was older and ready to take the helm instead of me. She was never really going to give me a chance.

After a moment, Momma sighs.

“Look,” she says. “I know it’s not your fault. Not really.” Her face softens a bit, and she reaches over, placing a hand on my shoulder. I stiffen under the unfamiliar touch, so surprised I can’t seem to move or speak, and instead brace myself in preparation for another inevitable verbal blow. “You know, when I was younger, I made a lot of hard decisions so that you kids wouldn’t grow up like I did. You’re the only one I failed with. Corvus, too, I guess, but he was less affected by it. He never took to that life. Didn’t absorb it, not like you and I did.” She shakes her head. “I clawed my way up from that life. I got us both out. Yet you still act like you’re stuck there, surviving day-to-day rather than thinking about the future. And you can’t run a ship like that.”

Momma’s never talked to me like this before. The raw honesty makes me uncomfortable—and makes me wonder what she’s really trying to say. Finally, it hits me.

“So that’s why you hate me?” I ask.

“What?” She seems genuinely taken aback.

“Because I’m your failure.”

For a moment she’s silent, her forehead creased. But then she rolls her eyes, scoffing.

“Don’t be so melodramatic.” She turns her back to me. “One day you’re gonna realize this was good for you.”

I remain in place while my mother heads to her room. As the door shuts behind her, I stare down at the floor and swallow hard. I’m not going to scream, or cry, or break something, though the urge is there. There’s no time for that, not when I have a mere week before we complete the job on Titan and my mom hands the ship over to Corvus.