“Our dear sergeant’s job is never done,” she says, her eyes locked with my own though she’s speaking to Daniil. “Because he always has to keep an eye on us.” Her gaze flicks toward the bedroom doorway before returning to me. “Isn’t that so?”

I tense, waiting for her to pry more or for one of the others to comment. But Sverre is busy eating and drinking as much as he can get his hands on, and Daniil ignores her. I choose to do the same, and busy myself moving our packs to the kitchen to open up more space in the crowded room.

By the time I’m done with the task, everyone is fast approaching drunk and the tension has thawed. I don’t usually allow my team to drink much—it’s a dangerous habit on a world like this—but tonight they deserve to relax. I indulge in a glass of it at their insistence, and tolerate the subsequent cheer with a roll of my eyes.

Situations like these always make me think of my sister. In years past, I never understood Scorpia’s drinking, how she could spend all night puking and reach for the bottle first thing in the morning, insisting it was “the best hangover cure.” Aside from those times, I always thought of my sister as happy. She was constantly laughing, cracking her stupid jokes at the most inappropriate moments. She could lighten the mood of any situation, a talent I sorely missed when I first came to Titan. Losing her felt like losing a part of myself—the good part, the part who knew how to laugh and how to show mercy. I thought her drinking was an affliction, a learned habit not dissimilar from her stealing and lying. Now I wonder if it was a crutch to dull the edges of a constant hurt, like it is for so many people on Titan.

That’s why I refuse to drink much myself. I want to let this ache linger as long as it can. I owe that much to Ivennie, and the other hundreds of faces that haunt me. The guilt, the regret, the uncertainty tearing at me—I deserve it all. I failed Ivennie, and unless I decide to take Altair’s offer, I’ll be turning my back on the rest of my team soon. What will happen to them if I leave? How can I turn away after everything we’ve been through together? They need me. Likely much more than my family does. Watching them now and thinking about it, my heart tells me to stay. To protect them until I can’t anymore.