There were two men in the frame for an unthinkable crime – two men who were both closely connected to me – two men I loved. My son-in-law, who I’d come to rely on, and my only son who, despite his many faults, at one time had been a good and caring man.

And all this had been connected to my beautiful but troubled daughter.

How had I got things so wrong? Had I been a dreadful parent? Was I ultimately to blame for what had gone so terribly wrong in both their lives and mine?

Maybe if I’d been there more for Michael. Maybe if I’d argued with the paramilitary henchmen who’d ordered Aaron from the country. If I’d reported him to the police that time. Yes, he’d have gone to jail, but maybe he’d have received help for his alcohol addiction, counselling for his anger and his grief over the death of his sister. He could have had a true fresh start. I’d been naive in thinking such anger and hatred would only ever be shown against me. That he wouldn’t focus it on other people. I’d been stupid to think I was a good mother by letting him go and not pressing charges.

I looked out of the window from my room in the South Wing of Altnagelvin Hospital at the cloudless blue skies, the rolling hills. At the cars moving along the road. A bus. People going about their ordinary business. I heard the chatter of the staff outside my room as they prepared to serve dinner.

And I thought about Rachel Walker. Thought of her family. Wondered if she was alive. Had she survived? Would she bear the physical and emotional scars I did for years to come?

I turned my head at a knock on my door. One of the staff nurses stood there, looking at me sympathetically. No doubt they’d all been made aware of the high drama coming out of my room. I was probably a great talking point in the staffroom.

‘Elizabeth, look, we don’t normally do this, but we’re aware today’s been an unusual and stressful day for you. We’ve a visitor here, says she’s your niece? Sister is prepared to let her in for ten minutes, but we’ll have to remind her of the visiting hours.’

I nodded. In truth, I’d almost forgotten about my sister and her daughter visiting given everything else that had been unfolding. It was strange it was just my niece who’d come to see me – we’d never been particularly close, but I didn’t feel I could turn her away given that she’d travelled so far to see me. Perhaps my sister was tired from the journey. Or resting, maybe. Or, knowing her, she’d taken one look at the farmhouse, pulled on the Marigolds and started with a ‘proper clean’.