‘It doesn’t have to be. Things are only ever as complicated as you make them. You deserve to be happy, you know. We deserve to be happy. You deserve not to have to watch your back. To not have to worry about every blue car that drives past you or whoever sends you flowers. You should be able to live a normal life. You should be able to live an extraordinary life. To be loved extraordinarily.’

I let his words sink in for a moment. Tried to find a truth in them that was more important than the truth of my responsibilities to my family and my love for them. A love that was extraordinary in its own way.

‘That may be the case,’ I said, pulling my T-shirt over my head.

It was startling how soon my skin cooled without the weight of him on me. How my body missed his. I put my hand to his cheek, tilted his head so he was looking directly in my eyes.

‘But I can’t put my happiness above that of my girls. I don’t think I could ever be happy without them. My marriage may have its difficulties, and it may well be over in all but name, but we have to try for them at least. I’m so scared that there are times when I feel I can’t breathe. But my girls, they didn’t do anything to deserve me suddenly disappearing from their lives. I’ve made a lot of mistakes in this world, but there’s one thing I know I’ve done right. I’ve been a good mother. A really loving mother. I can’t screw that up, even if it means …’

He stared straight ahead, ran his fingers through his hair.

‘This is messed up, isn’t it?’ he said.

I nodded.

It was more than messed up.

‘But you understand? What kind of a person would I be to turn my back on my own children? Surely they’d see it as a rejection of them.’

‘So you’d rather reject me?’ he asked, his gaze still turned from mine.

‘It’s not like that,’ I said. ‘You know I care for you.’

My voice was shaky now. I didn’t want to hurt him. He’d shown me nothing but kindness, and friendship and love.

‘Care for me? When I love you? You just “care” for me?’

There was anger in his voice now. I couldn’t blame him. I felt wretched. I shouldn’t have come here. I certainly shouldn’t have had sex with him.

‘Michael, let’s not make this harder than it already is,’ I said, shuffling to move out of the car.

He climbed backwards, stood in the warm evening sunshine. His clothes dishevelled. His hair messy. Sunlight shining directly on him. He was simply stunning and this, I knew, would break my heart.