Shit.

All at once, I remembered leaving my charger at Max’s apartment when I’d rushed out of there last week. I’d been sharing Cat’s since I’d been at her place, but of course she had taken it with her to New York. Stupid, I chastised myself.

Leaving my brick of a computer and my phone on the couch, I stood and crossed to the corner of the room Cat used as her home office. I turned on her desktop computer, exhaling with relief when I saw it wasn’t password protected. I opened Google and resumed my search. I couldn’t rest until I had some answers.

CHAPTER FIFTY-FOUR HIM

Where did she go?

She’d been there, on the screen, looking a bit pale and worried. It was an expression I’d seen more of lately, ever since I had left my mark on her apartment. I’d gone too far that night; I understood that now. I’d wanted her to understand how deeply I loved her, how crazy she made me, but that hadn’t been what had happened. I had to do something to atone, something to set things right. Something that would make that sweet mouth curl into a smile once more.

I looked into her distraught face and saw her aquamarine eyes were brimming with tears. Daggers stabbed through my heart, and I knew I needed to do something right away. I’d jumped up from my couch and rushed out to buy her another impressive bouquet of orange flowers. I would surprise her with them that night. Maybe I would even leave her a little note, a bit of poetry perhaps. I was thinking over my options as I picked up my laptop again, the flowers at my side, only to find that she was gone.

I immediately grabbed my phone to check her Instagram, sure there would be a Story about an exercise class she was taking or a friend she was meeting, but there was nothing. She was uncharacteristically silent. A flicker of disquiet sparked in my stomach.

She must be in the shower, I told myself. She’ll come back soon.

But she didn’t. Hours passed and Audrey didn’t reappear. I remained glued to the couch, staring dumbly at the blank screen while the flicker in my stomach turned into an inferno. Where had Audrey gone? Had she discovered the RAT?

You ruined this, my family’s collective voice said in my head. You drove her away.

Aly appeared in my mind’s eye, her eyes narrowed as she nodded sagely, agreeing with them. You’re not fit to date anyone.

Sabrina, her hair longer and redder than it had really been, appeared beside her, laughing. Pathetic.

“Leave me alone!” I bellowed, upending my coffee table, sending the coffee cups and container of animal crackers atop it flying. The mugs shattered; loose legs and torsos scattered everywhere.

It was physically painful to admit, but my abhorrent family was right. It was my fault. It was always my fault. I drove everyone away: Sabrina, Aly, Audrey, all the minor players who had left me in between. What was the common denominator there? Me. It was fucking me.