We stood there in silence a few moments as my thoughts tried to catch up with what was happening. His declaration had been my mantra the last twenty-two years, especially since Saxon was born—nothing meant more to me than my little family. But it was too late.

‘I seriously think this is just a reaction to what’s happened today,’ I said finally, ‘and you probably won’t feel this way tomorrow but—’

‘I will,’ Adrian gushed, reaching for me again. ‘I promise I will.’

I held up my hand, warding him off. ‘Well, even if you do, I won’t. I’m sorry, but you ruined us, Adrian, and I hated you for it at first, but now I’m thankful for your wake-up call. You weren’t the only one at sea, I was losing myself too. I had no idea who I was outside of motherhood and marriage; you forced me to find out and I like what I discovered. You’re right, we’re different people than we were when we first got together, but even more importantly, I’m a different person than I was at the beginning of the year. There’s no going back now.’

‘Please, Ash, don’t say that. At least give it some thought, some time.’

I’d never heard him sound so desperate; I don’t think I’d ever even heard him beg before.

‘I’m glad you’re feeling better about yourself,’ he added, ‘but you don’t need to lose you to save us. I’ll be a better husband, I promise. You can get a job if that’s what you still want, we’ll share the housework more evenly, I’ll support whatever you want to do. We can go to more counselling. We can work on reconnecting, spicing up our love life. I’ll do whatever it takes. I know we can make this work—we can make us work again.’

‘I don’t think so,’ I whispered, a lump swelling in my throat. This time I wasn’t going to let guilt and obligation sway me. ‘I don’t want to have to work hard at a relationship.’

I wanted it to come easily, I wanted it to be fun like it was with Dan. Maybe it was only that way because it was new and fresh, maybe it wouldn’t last, but if I couldn’t have that, I’d rather be single.

Despite knowing this was the right thing for all of us, tears pooled at the corners of my eyes. Things might not have been great these last few years, but we’d made two amazing kids together and there had been plenty of good times.

‘Are you sure?’ Adrian blinked and it looked like he too was close to tears.