“Because! Look at what’s happened! When I wanted to get pregnant, I couldn’t, and then when I finally did, I couldn’t stay pregnant. How else am I supposed to see it?”

“As an awful coincidence. How would you have supported that child as a twenty-year-old college dropout?”

“I would’ve found a way.”

“But you never would’ve been a cop. Think of the lives you’ve saved and the murders you’ve prevented by getting all those killers off the streets. Doesn’t that in any way compensate?”

She shook her head. “Nothing can compensate for not wanting my own child.”

“You were a kid yourself. You felt trapped and alone. It wasn’t about wanting your child. It was about knowing you couldn’t care for him properly.”

“Sometimes I wonder if he knew I didn’t want him, and that’s why I miscarried.”

“I’m sorry this happened to you. That you were put in this position and had to make such an awful choice.”

“I know you must think less of me.”

“I don’t, Sam. I swear I don’t. I support a woman’s right to choose—any woman. Even you.”

As if he hadn’t spoken, she said, “Your own mother was only fifteen when she had you, and you turned out fine.”

“No thanks to her.”

“But still.” Sam took a deep shuddering breath. “At the crowd-control meeting we had at work the other day, they showed us some of the propaganda so we’d be prepared for what to expect from the protestors. They had pictures of aborted fetuses. I hit the recall button on my pager to get myself out of there. I got so sick in the bathroom. I thought it would never stop.”

“I’m sorry, babe,” he whispered. “I’m so sorry you had to see those pictures. I’m sorry you had to go through this whole ordeal and that you carry such a heavy burden.”

“In some twisted way, I think maybe I baited Julian because I wanted to tell you. I just couldn’t figure out how. But I wanted you to know.”

“I’m glad you told me.”

Resting her head on her knees, she turned her face so she could see him. “This is why we won’t have kids.”

“You can’t know that for sure. You may have ended up with endometriosis anyway, even if you hadn’t had that miscarriage. Maybe you already had it, didn’t know it, and that caused the miscarriage.”

Startled, she looked up at him. “You really think that’s possible?”

“Anything is possible. The point is you’ll never really know so why assume the worst? Have you tried to have kids with anyone other than Peter?”

“Of course not.”