“What does Nick say about it?”

“I haven’t told him.”

“Why not?”

Sam shrugged. “He’s got enough going on without having to worry about me getting in trouble because of him. There’s no need for him to know about it.”

“If you say so. Besides, you’re probably right. He’s been through an awful lot lately.”

“Exactly.” But recalling their conversation in the shower, Sam couldn’t help but feel guilty for keeping it from him.

Chapter 22

Sam waited outside the Internal Affairs hearing room. They were running late, which had sent her stomach into a spiral. She focused on breathing: in through the nose, out through the mouth. It wouldn’t have been so bad if she knew she’d done nothing wrong and could chalk this up to a witch hunt by Stahl.

But that wasn’t the case.

She had screwed up by getting involved with Nick during the O’Connor investigation. He’d found the body, which made him a material witness. She should’ve stayed as far away from him as she could get until the case was closed. That he had been instrumental to her successfully closing the case might not matter to the board.

Though she had participated in many IAB hearings during her career, she’d never been the subject of one, even after the fiasco with the Johnson case. An internal investigation had cleared her of any wrongdoing in the death of young Quentin Johnson in the crack house shooting, but the department psychologist had recommended a thirty-day administrative leave. The penalty this time could be much stiffer.

Deputy Chief Conklin, Sam’s delegate to the three-person panel, came out to get her. “Lieutenant? We’re ready for you.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Inside the room, Conklin joined Stahl and Captain Andrews from the bomb squad at the head table. The three of them would determine her fate. Chief Farnsworth and Captain Malone were also in attendance. A stenographer was set to record the proceedings.

“Before we begin,” said Stahl, who was clearly enjoying this. “I’d like to once again protest the appointment of Deputy Chief Conklin to this panel. He maintains a close personal relationship with the lieutenant’s father, and his participation here is a conflict of interest.”

“As I’ve told you before, Lieutenant,” Conklin said, “find me anyone in this department—besides yourself of course—who doesn’t hold retired Deputy Chief Holland in the highest regard. Per the officer bill of rights, Lieutenant Holland can choose anyone she wishes to act as her delegate to this panel. You’re wasting everyone’s time with this protest.”

“I agree,” Andrews said. “Let’s move on.”

Stahl levied a hateful stare in Sam’s direction. “Very well, Lieutenant Holland, raise your right hand.” He swore her in and gestured for her to be seated. “You’ve waived your right to representation?”