Breaking free of her embrace, he gave it to her hard and fast, the way she liked it best, but nothing he did could melt the cold knot of fear that remained in her belly.

“Sam,” he said, begging her to join him.

For the first time since they’d been together, she closed her eyes and faked an explosive finish.

Chapter19

She’d faked it! Did she think he wouldn’t be able to tell the difference? After all the times they’d made love, did she think he wouldn’t know? Curled up to him, she snored softly while he lay awake churning.

The insomnia that plagued him during times of stress had kicked into high gear lately, and he had almost no hope of going back to sleep that night. He would’ve gotten up, gone downstairs and attempted to review the files Christina had sent home with him if he didn’t so love having Sam sleeping all over him. Plus, he didn’t want to disturb her when she had so little time to sleep.

He hated that she’d felt the need to fake it with him. He knew she’d had trouble in that regard with her ex-husband, but never once with him. Of course it was because he’d scared her with their conversation, and he hated that his worries had that effect on her. But he couldn’t help the way he felt. If he let his mind wander back to the sheer terror, the absolute certainty that she’d been shot…No, he couldn’t go there again. He’d already relived it a thousand times.

He stewed for what seemed like hours. A week ago he would’ve been unable to imagine a scenario whereby he would walk away from her. And now he had good reason to wonder if he had the stomach to be the significant other of a homicide detective. Turning on his side, he brought her in closer to him and breathed in the scent he’d come to crave. His tired eyes burned shut, but he had no expectation that sleep would come.

However, it must have because he startled awake in the gray predawn and reached for Sam. He encountered cold sheets where hot woman should’ve been and realized she was long gone. Wide awake, he knew it was pointless to try to go back to sleep so he got up to get ready for work. In the shower, he thought of John and Julian and relived the horrible fear that followed Freddie’s shooting. Nick’s nerves and emotions were raw and close to the surface, an unsettling state for a man used to being in control at all times.