It ended up being a turning point. We were all becoming better at lucid dreaming. The better we were, the less pain we felt. By the time we left the Hearth, Meditation barely hurt at all.

Afterward, it wasn’t our day for Confession. As we left the meadow, people paired off. For some, the drug made them incredibly horny afterward. Sex was another way of connecting, a way of expressing God’s love, and it was fully supported if all parties were willing. Most marriages were open, though not all. Our parents only had eyes for each other.

Taema and I never did that. We didn’t feel ready yet, and no one minded. We wandered through the path into the forest.

The forest was better than any church for me. Nowhere ever felt as holy to me as when Taema and I looked up at those gigantic redwood trees, smelling bark, dirt and leaves, the light filtered through so many shades of green. Mushrooms sprang up beneath the ferns, bright yellow like banana slugs. The sunbeams would catch the swirling motes of dust in the air. Overhead, birds called to each other. I do miss that. In the city there are the skyscrapers of trees, but you know it’s manufactured. I miss raw, unfettered nature.

We went to our hollowed-out redwood tree to be surrounded by that perfect smell of charred wood, damp and greenness.

That was when we first felt it.

The irregular jump of our heart in our chests. The painful squeeze. The faintness.

We gasped. We left the tree, and staggered to the forest path. We had to make it back to camp. Our vision blurred and we couldn’t breathe. I clutched Taema hard. I was so scared.

“What’s wrong?” she wheezed. We could see the roof of the church in the distance. It seemed so far away. “What’s happening?” Her head lolled on my shoulder.

“Don’t you dare faint on me, Taema,” I said, pinching her cheeks until she squeaked and her eyes opened wide. “If you faint, we’re a tortoise on its back. Come on, Taema. Come on.”

Somehow, she stayed with me. When we were a little closer to the main town, it felt like we couldn’t go any further. We leaned against the fence that lined the path. It was warm, the sun beating down on our hair. I couldn’t breathe. Up ahead, we saw a figure. For a second, delirious with pain and lack of oxygen, I thought it was Adam. That he was dead, coming to take us into God’s loving arms to begin the Cycle again. But then the figure cleared and I saw that it was Dad. We collapsed, and he started running.

10. Taema

TEN

TAEMA

I have a crick in my neck from sleeping in the damn Chair.