She pats him on the cheek. Her eyes shine with tears. “Your vitals are all good. You’ll need some eye drops to heal the whites of your eyes—you look a fright.”

She unhooks him from the machine. He stands up, but his knees are shaking. He leans against a metal bench of the lab, looking at me from under shadowed brows.

Kim motions to me. “It’s your turn now, Taema. If you still want to. I can understand if you don’t, after all that.”

This is the last thing I want to do. She sees it in my face. I look to Nazarin, but his gaze is inscrutable. He’s not weighing in. It’s up to me.

It’s another risk, but I’ve taken so many risks. For a moment, I do wonder if this is one risk too many. If this is my limit, and I can’t do any more.

I can do more. For Tila. For me.

Can we find what we need? Record proof that Ensi is the head of the Ratel? Find out where he stores Verve and what his plan is, and stop it in time? It feels impossible.

“It’ll be OK,” Kim says.

Tila’s words come to my lips again. “You can’t promise that.”

“No, I can’t. You’re right. Your implants are newer than his, and you have far fewer. Your heart functions on its own software so it’ll stay steady. I’ll have less trouble getting your implants to behave. That I can promise.”

Nazarin’s gaze is steady. His breathing returns to normal. He gulps a glass of water. I can tell what he’s thinking, it’s so clear on his face. We’ve come so far …

I close my eyes and clear my mind, a small Meditation. I bow my head down to my chest. I block out all sound, all sight. I focus on the soft whisper of my breath. In. Out. In. Out.

I can do this.

I sit in the Chair. Kim straps me in tight, and prepares another syringe.

She gives me a kiss on my cheek. She smells of antiseptic and artificial cherries. “See you soon, sweetness,” she says, and sticks the syringe in my arm.

23. Taema

TWENTY-THREE

TAEMA

My senses scramble. I float in space, but sight is sound and sound is touch and all is strange and beautiful. I feel butterfly wings on my taste buds and fireworks of feathers explode on the backs of my eyelids. Heartbeats pulse against me, crashing waves sending me bouncing against the soft red walls of my own skull. I feel the flashes as the neural dust within my mind sparkles, changing, merging into what I need it to be.