I crumple the paper in my hands. I have to get rid of it. If they come back and find it, it’d look beyond incriminating for both of us. I glance around nervously. What’s to say they aren’t already monitoring me through the wallscreens or my implants? I’ve heard the rumors that Sudice monitors all implant feeds, and reports crimes to the government.

I incinerate the note over the stove. After it’s nothing but ashes, I take ten deep breaths, forcing the fear and pain away. I can almost hear Mana-ma’s voice in my ear:

The world is around you. You can change it. Be the change you want.

I shake my head, as if her voice is a buzzing fly. I don’t want to hear her in my head just now. I had enough of Mana-ma in my head as a child. The woman at the head of the Hearth, pulling her strings, weaving her web, ensnaring us all.

The breaths calm me enough that I can push the hurt, the terror and the panic deep into the back of my mind. I shut down my conscious thoughts, focusing only on the physical. I hold the heels of my hands to my eyes until dark spots dance behind my eyelids. Everything’s so jumbled. I’ve always hated being alone. My thoughts are too loud.

I go to the spare room. It was Tila’s before she moved out. It’s been searched, but there wasn’t much for them to go through. A plain bed, an empty dresser, the closet filled with spare linen. I remember how it used to look when she was here: a rainbow of clothes littering the floor, leaving a trail from the bed to the closet. High-heeled shoes kicked off in a corner. Empty coffee mugs left on bedside drawers caked with dried makeup powder. The police would have been lucky to find anything at all under all the chaos.

I stand there for a moment, looking at the perfectly made bed. The searchers took the time to put it back to rights. I suppose that’s polite. Tears prick the corners of my eyes, but I take more deep breaths until they go away. I reach forward and muss it a bit. Tila never made her bed. “What’s the point?” she’d say. “You’re just going to get right back into it at the end of the day.” I used to be the one to make the bed, back in the Hearth, with Tila sighing and occasionally patting down a pillow to keep me happy. I pull the covers back again. Tila’s not here.