I felt so bad for Mom and Dad, though. They were the best parents you could ask for, really. Some of our friends fought with theirs all the time, but we hardly ever fought with ours. They talked to us as if we were equals, asked us our opinions. Even writing about them right now I’m tearing up like crazy. I miss them most out of everything back in the Hearth. I miss all of us sitting by the fire on cold days, me and Taema sewing clothes, or Taema reading and me chattering away to Dad. Dad and I were closer, and Taema and Mom were closer. Which seems sort of funny, now that I think about it, since obviously we spent the same amount of time with both of them.

I wish they’d have come with us.

They were both so worried for us. It hurt to look at them, as they tried to keep the knowledge that they knew we were dying from their faces. They were bad at it.

*   *   *

The next day we had to go to Confession for Mana-ma. We’d already missed a week. Neither of us wanted to go, but then we’d never really enjoyed it. Nobody likes to have to list all the ways they’re defective.

Mana-ma didn’t preach it that way, though. It’s supposed to be exposing who you are fully, both the bad and the good, acknowledging it and then letting it go and moving forward. She seemed more concerned with the bad. Like most people.

Before that treat, we had Meditation. It was our first session since the tablet died. I really didn’t want to do it, and I could tell Taema didn’t either. Even if we said we were still feeling bad, though, they’d wonder why we were missing it. So off we went.

I remember that Meditation so clearly. Lying in the meadow, the day clear and perfect. California weather through and through.

Almost everyone was already gathered there by the time we huffed and puffed our way down to the dandelion-studded meadow. Mana-ma waited by the path. She rubbed the fingers of her left hand against her thumb, something she did when impatient. Another bitter pill to go down our throats. We felt the “zap” that meant the drug had taken effect. The colors all grew so much brighter.

Dimly, I wondered if we should be taking whatever Mana-ma’s drug was, with our heart. Surely our heart could have been an excuse to get out of that day? Then I was so high I didn’t care in the least. We stumbled down and joined the ring of people.