If I walk to that door and find Ladia, everything I’ve worked for could be undone. I fell in love and lost it again. That’s normal. That’s life. But I’ve lived so miserably because of her. I never had a reason to laugh, or smile. I dragged myself down and blamed my friends for ditching me, when it was me who pushed them away.

Until recently, that is. When Glacia told me smile that first night in the Embassy, at the dance, something changed. She started trying harder, hoping one day I would start trying harder. And when we were sitting among the Recruits at the Induction Ceremony, when I saw the friendships people had formed, I realized what I’d done to myself. Now I know, if Glacia hadn’t tried for me, I would walk up to Ladia’s house.

It scares me, but I know what I have to do. This is the closest I’ll ever be to Ladia again. I traveled across the galaxy to find the girl who would turn my life around—but she came to me instead, at a dance inside a tower in Undil’s Embassy.

I take one step backward. Then another. I turn my back on House 58—on Ladia—and walk past all these dying yards, around the bend and to the bus stop. I wait there for a long time, hunched over on a bench, my legs quivering beneath me. I’m too distracted to feel the wind, and almost don’t hear the whir of the bus when it pulls up. I board it and watch Axio Street slide away, watch as the distance between me and Ladia grows. Then the bus escapes the forest and curves toward Subari.

Thoughts flash in and out of my head. I’ll never know what we could be, but I don’t care. Ladia is my past, and I want my future.

Chapter Twenty-Four

The cool air inside Lukman’s Café blows over my face when I walk through the door. Janie wasn’t kidding when she said Fridays were slow: there still aren’t any other customers.

“Back already?” she says, perking one eyebrow amusedly. “Not home?”

“Nope.”

She pours me a cup of Nectar Spice and warms a croissant. My hands are still trembling when I hand her my ID to pay, but if she notices, she doesn’t say anything. I sit at a table by the window and bite into the croissant. It’s warm and has a gooey blue topping with a tart taste. Flakes peel off its sides and fall into my lap, but I’m too lost in my thoughts to brush them away.

What did I just do?

“Mind if I sit? I seriously don’t have anything else to do.”

I look up and see her tapping her fingers on the nearest table.

“Sure.”