Back Don't Look for Me
Chapters (62)
  1. Cover
  2. Copyright Notice
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-one
  25. Chapter Twenty-two
  26. Chapter Twenty-three
  27. Chapter Twenty-four
  28. Chapter Twenty-five
  29. Chapter Twenty-six
  30. Chapter Twenty-seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-one
  35. Chapter Thirty-two
  36. Chapter Thirty-three
  37. Chapter Thirty-four
  38. Chapter Thirty-five
  39. Chapter Thirty-six
  40. Chapter Thirty-seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-one
  45. Chapter Forty-two
  46. Chapter Forty-three
  47. Chapter Forty-four
  48. Chapter Forty-five
  49. Chapter Forty-six
  50. Chapter Forty-seven
  51. Chapter Forty-eight
  52. Chapter Forty-nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-one
  55. Chapter Fifty-two
  56. Chapter Fifty-three
  57. Chapter Fifty-four
  58. Chapter Fifty-five
  59. Chapter Fifty-six
  60. Chapter Fifty-seven
  61. Acknowledgments [TK]
  62. Also by Wendy Walker

“Ev—I think I know who gave Mom a ride here. I think she may have left.”

Evan was quiet for a moment. But then—

“I don’t care! We still have to find her. You’re still going to look for her, right?”

“Yes. Of course. I promised you I would.”

More silence. She couldn’t tell him why she’d called, that she had dug so deeply into the hollow spaces they were nearly all that was left of her. And that she didn’t think she would survive it. Not this time.

“Evan?” she said.

“Yeah?”

“Just keep your shit together, okay? I’m sorry I called. I’m so sorry . . .”

Then a knock at the door. And Reyes’s voice.

“Are you decent?”

Then Evan again. He’d heard it—the man’s voice.

“Who was that?”

Then Reyes.

“Are you ready?”

Nic jumped out of the bed, raced to the bathroom for a towel which she wrapped around her body. She called out to Reyes, covering the phone with her hand so Evan wouldn’t hear her.

“Just a second . . .”

Then to Evan on the phone, “I’m fine. I have to go . . . I just needed to hear your voice.” She made quick excuses, then hung up the call.

She opened the door, her hand still clutching the phone.

Reyes stood there with two cups of coffee and a disarming smile.

He walked inside, his eyes moving over her, head to toe, wrapped in the towel.

“Good morning,” he said. He set down the coffee and pulled her close.

She buried her face into the crease of his neck. She wanted to cry, with despair, or relief. All of this was disorienting.

He held her until she let go first. Then he handed her a coffee and sat on the bed.

“Are you all right? You seem upset. Is it about what happened last night?”

She told him the truth. “I don’t know.”

Had it been like all the others? She had told herself it was different somehow.

Sweet and tender. Wasn’t it? She could still hear his soft voice on warm breath. We are the same. We are just the same. Whispering in her ear as they fell onto the bed. And then the silence of his voice, but the words his body spoke as he touched her and kissed her and held her. They were kind words. Loving words. The silent conversation of lovers, not just people fucking, but making love, connected by the torture of guilt they both understood, from the role they’d played in the death of another human being. It was something few people could understand.

“It’s okay,” he said to her. “Why don’t I wait outside. You take your time. Get dressed. Come down when you’re ready and we’ll head back to town.”